Being newly single is hard. It’s a fragile time where you should reflect on what happened in your relationship and where things went wrong so that when the opportunity for potential love arises again, you’ll be able to act on it. In the meantime, watch out for these 10 traps newly single women get caught in that will make it tough to move on. They’re amateur dating mistakes you’re too smart to be making.
- Swearing You’ll Never Date Again. Going from a committed relationship back to the single life is a hard adjustment. The rigmarole of putting yourself out there, finding someone who vibes with you enough to see again, and toeing the razor-thin line of too much too soon is damn exhausting. But vowing never to date again is equal parts you lying to yourself about what you want and psyching yourself out about jumping into the dating world again.
- Not Giving Yourself Time to Recover. The polar opposite of not wanting to date — but just as damaging! — is not allowing yourself to recuperate from your breakup. Instead of healing, you see your newfound single status as a challenge to find someone else to fill the void. Never mind that you really don’t vibe with some of the guys you’re entertaining. You just don’t want to be alone, so in your mind, you’re doing what you have to in order to avoid it.
- Getting Stuck With The Rebound Guy. The “Rebound Guy” varies in flavor from someone you’re overwhelmingly neutral about to a person you’d avoid like the plague under normal circumstances. He serves absolutely no purpose other than acting as a placeholder for your ex. You do all the same things with this guy that you did in your old relationship, but with painfully less interest. You’ll realize down the road that you’ll have more fun on your own than dragging some guy along for the hell of it.
- Casually Hooking Up When You Want More. You miss the intimacy you had with your former partner — that’s normal. However, giving in to casual hookups with a long-time friend or a new acquaintance when you’re a monogamous relationship kind of woman is just setting yourself up for heartache. It feels great in the moment, but the emptiness you want to go away comes back with a vengeance when it’s all said and done.
- The breakup to make-up game. You can’t handle the single life, but the guys you’ve gone out on dates with thus far don’t compare to your old flame. You miss him and want things to go back to the way they were, so you reach out to patch things up. Here’s where it gets a little complicated. Trying to reconcile is not inherently bad. If enough time has passed and you’ve both realized where you went wrong, it can be exactly what you both needed. But if things ended on really bad terms with no hope of salvaging the relationship, getting caught in the breakup-to-make-up game is just going to lead to hurt feelings and regret.
- Lowering Your Standards. When it comes to the caliber of guys you date, you’re not picky, but you do know what you want. But being reluctantly single for too long has you compromising on bare minimum requirements for the men who court you. As a result, you’re honestly not interested in them, but it feels nice to be out with someone (see: rebound guy), so why rock the boat? The truth is, the boat will eventually turn over when you can’t pretend anymore. Stick to your guns when it comes to who you want to spend your time with — or else you’ll be wasting it (and his).
- Coming On Too Strong. This new guy you’re dating has potential: He’s cute, funny, holds a conversation pretty well and you feel comfortable around him. But it’s been such a short amount of time since you’ve broken up with the last guy that you haven’t gotten over old habits yet. Talking about the future, asking to spend the night, and other behavior reserved for a long-term relationship with someone new will have you coming on way too strong and potentially mishandling what could be a good thing.
- Stressing Out Over Being Alone. You reach out to your friends this week, but they’re all busy. All of you have hectic schedules, but you didn’t realize how much until you were single again. Just thinking about your friends being out on dates or spending a cozy night in with their guys has you down hard. Will you ever be able to find someone like your ex? Will you ever find someone, period? This line of thinking is toxic and serves no purpose other than to stress you out.
- Not Using The Breakup As A Learning Experience. With every breakup should come a thorough examination of what you did right, what went wrong that led to the breakup in the first place, and how to avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships. Never look at it through a lens of self-pity and despair unless you want to potentially sabotage another relationship because you didn’t take anything away from the last one.
- Not Focusing On Yourself Enough. Being single means getting to know yourself. This is your time to put yourself first, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Truthfully, everyone fresh out of a relationship needs to center themselves by doing things they love. Read a good book, have a sleepover with friends, and watch movies and TV shows that your ex may not have liked. Neglecting yourself means leaving your battery uncharged, and you don’t want that. Get back to the ‘you’ you know and love. The next guy who comes along will, too.
