10 Doubts Even The Most Confident Women Have At Some Point

I’ve always considered myself to be strong and self-assured but I can also admit that I have lots of doubts that leave me questioning myself. That doesn’t mean I’m weak — it just means I’m comfortable enough with who I am to acknowledge that I’m still human, no matter how confident I might appear. I know I’m not the only woman who’s ever had these doubts:

  1. When are people going to realize that I’m not as great as they think I am? Do I have a bad case of impostor syndrome or do I actually just suck? Every time someone compliments something about me —  my work, my abilities, my personality, anything — I can’t help but feel like they don’t know the real me. I want to believe that everything they say is true, but a huge part of me feels like they’re blissfully unaware of how lousy I really am.
  2. What am I even doing in my life? I’m supposed to be a grown woman, but I can’t figure out how this whole “adult” thing works. I have no idea how everyone around me seems to have some sort of direction in life, because I feel like I’m just winging it and hoping that things turn out half-okay.
  3. How do other people my age have their act together while I’m still struggling? It seems like everyone I graduated with has already settled down with a fancy career, a steady partner, and a general sense of normalcy. Meanwhile, I’m over here Googling what a deductible is and feeling accomplished when I actually bother to wash my hair. My life isn’t a total mind screw, but it’s definitely half of one. How have all these people managed to become real live grown-ups so easily?
  4. What if my sense of confidence is just my own distorted image of myself? Even when I’m not bogged down by my own insecurities, they still try to wiggle their way into my head when I’m feeling good about myself. On the days when I feel like I look cute or did a good job at work, a sliver of doubt always creeps in and makes me ask myself if I actually have any reason to be happy with myself. Suddenly, I start wondering if my confidence is actually unjustified arrogance, and whatever contentment I might have been experiencing before is replaced by anxiety.
  5. Am I headed down the completely wrong path in life? What if the choices I’m making aren’t the right ones? I constantly worry that because I didn’t take the most traditional path possible after graduating high school, I’m going to end up a failure. I love where I am now in life, but who’s to say I’m going to love it another five or ten years down the road, you know?
  6. Do my friends really enjoy being around me, or do they just tolerate me? I know I’m hard to handle sometimes, but I like to think that my friends love me anyway. At least, that’s how they make it seem. But what if every time I’m with them, they can’t wait to get away from me? I do my best to be a good friend and a good person, but I still can’t help but wonder if everyone secretly thinks I’m the worst.
  7. Will my body ever look the way I want it to? I’ve always celebrated my body for what it can do rather than what it looks like, and I know just how much of an impact the media can have on our perceptions of ourselves. And yet, part of me still wants to have that flawless figure that I know is unattainable (at least for me). I’m more than happy with how fit I am, and most days, I like what I see in the mirror. I just wish I could have the confidence to rock a bikini or a crop top the way so many other body-positive women do.
  8. Is it even possible to meet the expectations I have for myself? Ever since I was young, I’ve always set high goals for myself. Now that I’m older, I haven’t stopped telling myself that I’m capable of anything I set my mind to, but I often wonder if I’m going to be able to achieve everything I expect myself to. The fear of failure is a strong one for me, and sometimes, I ask myself if I have any right to set so many lofty goals that I might never be able to meet.
  9. What if my ex was right about me? It’s so easy to dismiss our exes’ criticisms as BS that they only spit out at us to make us feel worse about ourselves. But when I have a bad day or make someone upset, the thought creeps in that maybe my ex had a point. Maybe I am arrogant or self-centered or just an all-around crappy person. I try my best not to be, but anytime I do anything that could possibly prove him right, I immediately start to hate myself.
  10. What if other people don’t value the same things about me that I value about myself? For all my doubts and insecurities, there are some things I KNOW are awesome about me. My worry, though, is that others might not see those characteristics in the same light. Even though I’m aware that my opinion is the only one that matters when it comes to what I like about myself, the idea that other people might not appreciate those same qualities can make me feel wonder if they’re actually that great at all.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.
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