I’ve always been excellent at reading people’s energy. I can usually tell right away whether or not I want to befriend you or pursue anything romantically. But as we all do, I’ve made some mistakes and some jerks have slipped through the cracks. That’s why when we first get together, I’m on high alert for any red flags. If you do any of these 10 things when we start dating, I can guarantee we won’t be dating for much longer:
- Minimize my feelings. Look, I know I’m an emotional person. I’m sensitive and empathetic, but I choose to look at it as a strength rather than a weakness. If you’re dating me, you can expect A LOT of long talks about the future, our dreams, and our feelings. It’s one of my biggest pet peeves when someone just tells me to “get over it” or that “it’s not that big of a deal.” I feel what I feel, and I don’t need someone brushing it off or making me feel bad about it.
- Ask if it’s “that time of the month.” DO NOT even get me started on how much this makes my skin crawl and my blood boil. To start off, it’s completely sexist, and it’s also just insulting. It implies that the only reason I might be upset is that I’m on my period (hint: maybe you’re just a jerk).
- Make fun of my dreams. I’m not going to be around someone that just rolls their eyes and laughs every time I talk about them. I want someone who acts like my biggest supporter, and by making fun of me, you’re just bringing me down. I know they’re big dreams. I know they won’t be easy. But I also know that I won’t get there hanging around people who don’t believe in me.
- Give me a hard time about girls’ night. Everyone needs a girls night once in a while. There’s nothing I love more than sharing a pitcher of margaritas and catching up with my ladies, so if I’m dating someone who’s going to give me a hard time about it, they’re out. I’ve seen some of my girls go through the drama of being in a relationship with a guy who didn’t “approve” of girls night, and I’m not about to deal with that.
- Get jealous of my guy friends. I’m not one of those people that claim that I hang out with guys because “they cause less drama!” I think that’s a naive and offensive statement, but I do love having guy friends. It brings a different type of energy to the group. I wouldn’t risk my friendship with my boys for anything, so if my new beau has an issue with it, too bad for him. You should be secure enough in our relationship, anyway.
- Try to control my eating/drinking. You know the scenes in movies where a guy orders for a girl and the girl just swoons? Yeah, I’m not about that. Don’t order for me. It’s not a turn-on, and I’ll just get grumpy. The same goes for drinking. I’ve been drinking for eight years; I know how to control it. If I want to get a little silly, why shouldn’t I? The whole “I think you’ve had enough” schtick is not my jam.
- Make a sexist joke/assumption. I don’t care if you think I don’t have a sense of humor (I do, just not for this type of stuff). Haven’t women suffered enough? I’m not down for your patriarchal BS. And if I have to stay quiet through one more “make me a sandwich” joke, I might explode. Just stop.
- Make any negative comment about my appearance. As a girl, I’m conditioned to hate my appearance. I’ve been told that I need this cream, that foundation, or this mascara. Otherwise, I’m not worthy of love or attraction. I’m all for constructive criticism, but if you start talking about my appearance, I’m out. I’ve just started learning how to love myself, and I don’t need your negativity.
- Talk crap about my girlfriends. Sisters before Misters. If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends. That type of thing. Girls stick together. If you start criticizing my friends, I’ll be breaking up with you very soon. If a guy can’t get along with my friends, then he’s just not worth it (we all know my friends will be around much longer than you).
- Start drunk drama. When I’m getting my drink on, the last thing I want to do is argue with your drunk ass. I’ve always been a happy, giddy drunk, so being around people who just want to argue is a major buzzkill. I’m just not into it.
