10 Lies I Told Myself When I Felt Him Pulling Away

When my ex was falling out of love with me, I could feel it. I knew a breakup was coming, but I did everything in my power to convince myself otherwise. He was pulling away and the only way I could keep my sanity was by telling myself these lies:

  1. That we were just going through a rough patch. I told myself that all couples have highs and lows and that we were just at our temporary rock bottom. I thought that love stories were all filled with drama and that someday we’d look back and realize that our rough patch was just another bump in the road. I ignored the fact that we had serious issues and pretended that our “little” fights were normal rather than a sign that we just weren’t right for each other.
  2. That he was “The One.” He was it. For so long I believed that and I had no inkling of giving up that belief. I had found the one and now we just had to get through all of life’s BS. I thought our exterior life was wrong but not that we were wrong. He might have been pulling away but I held on to convincing myself that he was Mr. Right.
  3. That I would never be able to move on. I told myself not to give up because I would never get over him. I loved him so much that I allowed myself to believe I could never move on. I thought I would be hooked forever and that’s why I stayed. I tried to fix things before they were too broken because if he did break my heart I didn’t think I’d be able to live without him.
  4. That he would keep his promises. He’d promised to love me forever. He promised marriage, kids, and a life together. He promised to never hurt me. I still believe he meant those things at the time, and that’s why when he started to pull away, I kept reminding myself of those promises. I told myself that he’d pledged his love and couldn’t take it back, but that’s exactly what he did.
  5. That I’d never find love again. When he was pulling away, I had to just keep hanging on. Why? Because he was my one shot at love. I’m a pretty picky person, especially when it comes to dating. Rarely do I like people in general, let alone feel a spark. I thought if we didn’t work out, I would never find love again. That’s what I told myself and that’s why I couldn’t seem to let him go.
  6. That it was the fault of his friends. Those bad influences. I chose to blame them rather than holding my ex responsible for his own actions. I made myself believe that the way he was acting wasn’t the real him. I told myself that it wasn’t his fault and that he was just being manipulated into being a playboy jerk like all his friends. What I didn’t realize was that this may not have been the person he was when we started dating, but it was who he had become, and it was entirely his fault.
  7. That if I fought for him, I couldn’t lose him. I told myself that the fate of our relationship was up to me. I allowed myself to believe that he couldn’t stop loving me if I didn’t let him. The more he pulled away, the harder I fought to keep us together. I told myself I was in control but I wasn’t.
  8. That I could care enough for the both of us. Every day it felt like he cared about our relationship less and less. Instead of taking the hint, though, I convinced myself that I could care enough about our relationship for the both of us. I thought that I could pick up the slack and eventually he would come back to lightening my load, but that definitely didn’t happen.
  9. That I could trust him. When I felt like our relationship was in a downward spiral, I didn’t stay silent. I asked him if he still loved me and still wanted to be with me and he assured me he did. I listened to his words and ignored his actions by telling myself over and over again that I could trust every word despite the overwhelming evidence against him.
  10. That my instincts were wrong. Deep down I knew our love story was ending but I couldn’t accept it. So I pushed away my instincts and in the process I allowed myself to get hurt. I should have listened to my gut, but my heart just couldn’t let go. I tried to hold onto him as hard as I could, even though I could feel him pulling harder and harder away.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.
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