When my ex was falling out of love with me, I could feel it. I knew a breakup was coming, but I did everything in my power to convince myself otherwise. He was pulling away and the only way I could keep my sanity was by telling myself these lies:
- That we were just going through a rough patch. I told myself that all couples have highs and lows and that we were just at our temporary rock bottom. I thought that love stories were all filled with drama and that someday we’d look back and realize that our rough patch was just another bump in the road. I ignored the fact that we had serious issues and pretended that our “little” fights were normal rather than a sign that we just weren’t right for each other.
- That he was “The One.” He was it. For so long I believed that and I had no inkling of giving up that belief. I had found the one and now we just had to get through all of life’s BS. I thought our exterior life was wrong but not that we were wrong. He might have been pulling away but I held on to convincing myself that he was Mr. Right.
- That I would never be able to move on. I told myself not to give up because I would never get over him. I loved him so much that I allowed myself to believe I could never move on. I thought I would be hooked forever and that’s why I stayed. I tried to fix things before they were too broken because if he did break my heart I didn’t think I’d be able to live without him.
- That he would keep his promises. He’d promised to love me forever. He promised marriage, kids, and a life together. He promised to never hurt me. I still believe he meant those things at the time, and that’s why when he started to pull away, I kept reminding myself of those promises. I told myself that he’d pledged his love and couldn’t take it back, but that’s exactly what he did.
- That I’d never find love again. When he was pulling away, I had to just keep hanging on. Why? Because he was my one shot at love. I’m a pretty picky person, especially when it comes to dating. Rarely do I like people in general, let alone feel a spark. I thought if we didn’t work out, I would never find love again. That’s what I told myself and that’s why I couldn’t seem to let him go.
- That it was the fault of his friends. Those bad influences. I chose to blame them rather than holding my ex responsible for his own actions. I made myself believe that the way he was acting wasn’t the real him. I told myself that it wasn’t his fault and that he was just being manipulated into being a playboy jerk like all his friends. What I didn’t realize was that this may not have been the person he was when we started dating, but it was who he had become, and it was entirely his fault.
- That if I fought for him, I couldn’t lose him. I told myself that the fate of our relationship was up to me. I allowed myself to believe that he couldn’t stop loving me if I didn’t let him. The more he pulled away, the harder I fought to keep us together. I told myself I was in control but I wasn’t.
- That I could care enough for the both of us. Every day it felt like he cared about our relationship less and less. Instead of taking the hint, though, I convinced myself that I could care enough about our relationship for the both of us. I thought that I could pick up the slack and eventually he would come back to lightening my load, but that definitely didn’t happen.
- That I could trust him. When I felt like our relationship was in a downward spiral, I didn’t stay silent. I asked him if he still loved me and still wanted to be with me and he assured me he did. I listened to his words and ignored his actions by telling myself over and over again that I could trust every word despite the overwhelming evidence against him.
- That my instincts were wrong. Deep down I knew our love story was ending but I couldn’t accept it. So I pushed away my instincts and in the process I allowed myself to get hurt. I should have listened to my gut, but my heart just couldn’t let go. I tried to hold onto him as hard as I could, even though I could feel him pulling harder and harder away.