For some women, hooking up can be the perfect situation. They’re looking for amazing sex with no romantic commitment, and while there’s nothing wrong with that, some of us just aren’t cut out for it — and that’s okay too. Here are 10 signs hooking up is just not for you:
You’re a hopeless romantic at heart. If you believe in love at first sight, soulmates or get warm, fuzzy feelings thinking about having an exclusive relationship, there’s nothing wrong with that… unless you’re thinking about hooking up with someone. There’s a pretty big conflict of interest since the whole point of hooking up is to keep things ambiguous, so you’d be better off dating in the long run.
You catch feelings really easily. A no-strings-attached situation calls for exactly what it sounds like — you meet up, you hook up, then you leave. If you fall for a guy fast and hard, do yourself a favor and avoid hooking up at all costs. The short term gratification won’t matter much when it falls apart. Your heart will thank you for it later.
You’re not the sharing type. In this situation, there are no titles involved on purpose. Unless you both specify that your hookup situation is monogamous, it’s okay to date or sleep with other people. If you’re not into sharing, though, knowing that he’s free to do the same might be too much to handle.
You’re happier when you’re single. Sometimes, being single and waiting for the right guy is the best course of action. If you know deep down that hooking up would feel like selling yourself short, then don’t bother. Stay single, happy, and keep your options open for something you actually want.
You want to know more about him but you’re scared to ask. When hooking up, you’re likely to learn way more about his favorite sexual positions than his hopes and dreams. It’s okay to wonder about his favorite TV show or snack since you’d ask the same to an acquaintance. Ask too many personal questions too soon, however, and you risk taking the casual feel of the arrangement away and leaving the both of you feeling awkward.
You prefer traditional dates to “Netflix and Chill” sessions. It’s one thing to “Netflix and Chill” when you’ve been in a relationship for a while. Sometimes, you just don’t feel like getting dressed and going out to spend time with each other. But be aware that most of the time, hooking up mirrors a business transaction. If you’re looking to be wined and dined beyond grabbing some takeout, you might want to skip hooking up altogether.
You want the intimacy of a relationship. Cuddling, having sweet nothings whispered in your ear, being told how beautiful and loved you are — just a few of the perks of being in a committed relationship. Sure, you might get similar physical contact, but the undeniable spark of mutual care and compassion is typically absent while hooking up. Don’t sacrifice these things for a temporary thrill if it’s not what you want.
Sex alone just isn’t enough. Picture this — you’ve been hooking up with a guy for several months now, and he’s super gifted in the bedroom. He knows what you do and don’t like and exactly how to get you going. But after a while, you just start to feel… bored. For some women, having great sex isn’t enough to make up for everything else that you’d find in a more traditional relationship. In that case, you’re better off waiting for just that.
You’re tired of being ‘just a friend’ in public. If you hang out with your hookup partner beyond the bedroom, it’s likely that he’ll treat you as a platonic friend around other people. If you can’t handle the idea of being seen as ‘just a friend’ despite the intimate nature of your arrangement, you might want to pass on the notion altogether.
You’re hoping it’ll turn into something more. A hookup arrangement lasts as long as both parties want it to. You may not feel much days or weeks into it, but after several months, it’s entirely natural to feel more than lust. Never, ever agree to hook up with a guy while hoping it’ll blossom into a full blown relationship. There’s no guarantee that it will and unless he expresses otherwise, you’d only be wasting your time — and his.
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