When you’re in the early stages of a romantic or sexual relationship, it can be hard to tell exactly how good the sex with this guy will be. Luckily, there are some easy ways to tell if you’ve found someone who’s going to be consistently disappointing in the bedroom:
- He thinks he’s an erotic sex star. Men who spend too much time watching sex have a screwed up idea of how things should go down. If, when you finally get between the sheets, he’s throwing moves around the place like he’s a pro, he probably isn’t one. It’s such a turn-off! We all know that watching sex online is unrealistic as hell, and if this guy doesn’t, you have to question that.
- He expects you to be an erotic sex star too. Just to make matters worse, he projects these messed up expectations onto you as well. Not only is he trying to do a headstand during oral, but he wants the same kind of acrobatics from you too. Um, no. I don’t bend that way. Sorry.
- He makes sexual innuendos all the time. With this guy, sex isn’t just for the bedroom. He’ll bring up the damn subject about fifty times an hour just to see your reaction. When the penis jokes start to get old, you know that it’s probably time to move on and find a man instead of a hormonal teenage boy.
- He tells his friends way too much. Nobody wants to have her sex life discussed outside of the bedroom. If he’s the kind of guy who thinks nothing of chit-chatting with his friends about what you did last night, he’s not exactly Prince Charming. Stop giving this douche something to talk about.
- He has to know your magic number. Let’s get one thing straight right now: Sex is so not a competition. It doesn’t matter how many guys you’ve slept with at all. Still, this guy’s obsessed with knowing all the details: who you screwed, when, and where. He won’t rest until you spill it all so he can judge you.
- He just can’t deal if you’ve slept with more people than he has. Hell hath no fury like this guy when he finds out you’ve slept with more people than he has. To him, that’s the ultimate insult. He either calls you a liar or promiscuous when you tell him the truth about your sexual past like it’s any of his business in the first place.
- He’s obsessed with sexting. This guy always has sex on the brain, and that translates to his cell phone, too. He’s practically always texting you something kinky or sending you a not-so-sexy penis picture. While this is fun on occasion, it’s a bad sign if you start praying for the day he texts you just to see how you are.
- He can’t have a proper chat about sex. When you actually need to have a serious sex-related conversation, he’s not up for it. Talking about what you like and don’t like in the bedroom makes him cringe, and he just can’t do it without turning the deepest shade of red. That kind of immaturity is never going to lead to you getting your O.
- He gets totally wasted before you hit the sack. What usually happens before you have sex? If you two only hook up after getting totally wasted, there might be a reason for that. Nervous guys tend to need to be out of their heads before they can get naked in front of you, and while it’s acceptable on occasion, your sex life is going to be crap if he can’t have sober sex.
- He has no problem body shaming you. This is one of the biggest signs that the sex is going to be a nightmare, and it sucks on so many levels. If the guy you’re sleeping with criticizes your body in any way, you need to get the hell out of there. You deserve to sleep with someone who loves the way you look, not someone who makes you feel bad. Screw him! (No, wait — Don’t screw him. Ever.)
