There’s no way I’m single simply because I’m uninterested in a relationship, right? Oh, no! There has to be another, way more serious, reason. I must be emotionally damaged, pining over my ex, or unable to really connect with another person. According to everyone but me, there are very specific reasons for why I’m single, but these reasons aren’t really reasons — they’re assumptions, and I’m sick and tired of hearing them! Here are some of the worst ones:
- I’m Actively Looking For A Man. No, I’m really not. I don’t use dating apps and I don’t have an account on Match.com. I’m not looking for a guy, and no, it’s not because I’m dealing with some inner emotional demons. I’m not looking because I don’t want to. My single status is currently my favorite thing about me. I’m good, fam.
- I Don’t Compromise Enough. To be honest, I’m not the best at compromising — it’s never been my thing. Having said that, none of my past relationships ended because of my sub-par ability to compromise, so clearly that’s not why I’m single. What else you got?
- I Can’t Get A Guy. I haven’t always been single, okay?! There have been men who have wanted to be with me. Hopefully, that’s not too big of a shocker! I could get a boyfriend if I wanted one. Not to sound cocky, but I could — I’ve got a lot going for me and any guy would be lucky to have me.
- I’m Jealous Of Other Relationships. No, I’m not jealous of people who’re in relationships. I’m happy for my engaged friends and my newly married buddies. Mazel Tov! I’m not sitting in my room crying because everyone around me is happy and in love. I think that’s great… for them. Right now, I’m not ready for that kinda life.
- I Want Other Women’s Boyfriends. To all my friends in relationships, I DON’T WANT YOUR BOYFRIENDS. Trust me. I’m not saying they aren’t cool guys, but they’re your cool guys — I’d never think to take them from you! Not that I could, anyway — those fellas are wrapped around your fingers real tight (#whipped). I’m single because I want to be. Not because I want the thrill of stealing boyfriends from other women. I’m not that kind of person.
- I Work Too Much. People always ask why I’m single, and because I’m unable to give them an answer — well, an answer they actually believe — they assume it’s because of my busy work schedule. False! Sure, I’m busy, but if I was in a relationship, I’d prioritize. My hectic workflow has nothing to do with my relationship status.
- I Can’t Give Relationship Advice. Being single doesn’t mean I can’t give excellent relationship advice. I can still listen, think critically about a situation and speak empathetically towards it. Yes, I’m single, but I’m not stupid. I can give advice — probably better than most people in relationships.
- I Need Help Finding A Guy. Newsflash: Being in a relationship doesn’t automatically mean you have the skills to be a successful matchmaker. I don’t know why my coupled up friends insist on hooking me up with their distant cousins and annoying co-workers. If I wanted to find a guy, I’d go to the bar or a slam poetry event (FIY: Guys who read poetry are hot and they usually have those sexy man buns).
- I’m Not Putting Myself Out There. “You’re single because you don’t put yourself out there enough.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that one. If I really wanted a boyfriend and I wasn’t having any luck finding one because I never left my house, then sure, hit me with that line. However, that isn’t the case. Not to mention, I put myself out there all the time — it’s just not in an attempt to find a guy.
- I’m Hard To Get Along With. I’m single because there must be something wrong with me, right? I must be a nagging bitch, a basket case, someone who’s too annoying to be loved by another person — NO! Well at least, no guy has ever brought those characteristics to my attention.
- I’m Lonely. There are other relationships in life. I have friends, family, exercise classes, school, work, food, and a beloved Netflix account. I’m not lonely, I’m thriving in the best possible way. I’m enjoying life and taking it all in before I tackle the idea of a “romantic relationship.” The next guy I call my boyfriend will be someone I could see myself marrying. And before I get there, I want to do me for a while.
