I know guys aren’t mind readers and generally I’m not shy about speaking up for what I want. Still, sometimes I just wish they’d know that these things are important to me so I wouldn’t have to ask for them:
More foreplay. Talking about sex stuff is always a bit tricky with a partner, but it just means I won’t get enough pleasure if I don’t. The thing is, I love foreplay, but asking for more with a guy who wants to rush to the main event sometimes feels a bit awkward. It’s especially not easy to do this if our sexual needs are so different. I suppose I could always leave a magazine article about foreplay lying open on his desk or something…
A partner who listens. I want someone who listens to me. It’s hard to speak up and say, “Hey, let’s talk about my fight with my friend for a minute” because I want him to want to listen. I shouldn’t have to tell him that he should, for goodness’ sake.
Feeling it’s okay to cry. I don’t cry easily in front of people and if a guy looks alarmed when he sees my eyes well up, that just makes me feel even more awkward. I want a guy to be able to see my tears and not freak out, but not ask me questions either — it’s really hard to speak when I want to cry. He should just hold me.
The chance to be me, flaws included. I can sometimes be an anxious person but I try not to show it. It sucks, though, to be around someone and try to be the epitome of calm when my heart’s racing a million miles a minute and I feel so panicked. I don’t want to feel I have to be perfect. I want someone who sees my flaws and is comfortable with them, without me asking him to be okay with them.
Laughter and silliness. I love being silly and having lots of laughter in my relationship. But if I have to say, “Hey, let’s do something stupid,” it feels silly, like planning to be spontaneous. These things just have to happen. That fun is either there in a relationship or not.
Cuddling after sex. It can feel so much more intimate to cuddle with my partner than have sex, but asking for more cuddling when they’re already dressed again and rushing out the door isn’t always viable. So instead, I just watch them leave and wish they’d stayed longer.
A partner who limits interaction with his female friends. I want to feel totally secure in my relationship, but a guaranteed way to make me seem insecure is when I pipe up and tell my partner that I don’t want him to spend time with his female friends. I can just imagine what’s going through his mind: she’s jealous and totally psycho. I won’t say anything unless I’m asked, but I’m silently hoping he won’t be texting his female buddies late into the night.
Choosing me over his bros sometimes. A person’s friends are important, obviously, but I don’t want to feel like my boyfriend would rather spend all his time with the guys instead of alone at home with me. I’m embarrassed to ask him to spend a night in with me, though, out of fear of how it makes me look — clingy and needy. But screw that. My needs are important.
Getting help when I need it. I’m the kind of woman who will carry loads of shopping bags from the car even if my arms feel like they’re going to fall off, rather than ask for help. Same goes for when I have a problem. I’ve got too much pride to ask for help, so I guess I do need a man who’s quite emotionally in tune with me and my needs.
A guy who sees me in his future. Is there anything more awkward than hearing my partner chat about his bright, promising future and realizing that I’m not in his vision? OMG. I’d love to be able to ask, “Where do I fit in in all this?” but it feels like I’m putting him on the spot. And honestly, if he’s so clear about his future not having me in it, then there’s my answer, I guess.
Fun dates we had in the honeymoon phase. It’s a myth that once the honeymoon phase is over, the relationship is doomed. There are still great milestones to achieve, but that shouldn’t mean that the carefree, light and fun vibes from early on in the relationship need to die. I want to have fun dates like that again, but I might not ask for them because it feels silly. We can’t go back in time. We can just try to forge towards an exciting future.
A guy who tells me I’m beautiful. I won’t ask for it, but it would be nice to experience this from time to time. I guess I need it most when I don’t feel I look good: my hair’s not straightened, I’m wearing a baggy tracksuit and don’t have a stitch of makeup on. Hearing that my partner thinks I’m beautiful when that’s the last thing I think about myself is something that makes me feel beautiful on the inside. Swoon.
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