You can learn a lot about someone by the way they do or don’t use texting. Nothing can replace in person interactions, but the reality is that most of our day to day conversations happen over the phone, so texting style isn’t just relevant, it’s informative. Here are some things you can glean about him from his messaging style:
If he can take initiative It’s a red flag if you have to send the first message to start every conversation. If he’s always ready with topic starters or checking in just to see how your day’s going, then it’s clear he’s confident and able to take action.
How he handles awkward situations One of the struggles with texting is that tone is often missed, which can lead to some pretty awful misunderstandings and awkward moments. How he responds to those mess-ups, either on your part or his, tells you a lot about a guy.
Whether or not he’s impatient It’s one thing to expect a response from someone within a reasonable amount of time but another thing entirely if he’s blowing up your phone with “????” when you’ve taken more than two minutes to write back. A chill guy will understand that you’re not glued to your phone and sometimes you aren’t able to answer right away.
If he’s attached to his phone If a guy answers every message you send 30 seconds after you send it, even if he’s sleeping, at work, or out with a friend, that’s not cute—it’s concerning. You want someone who knows how to unplug and be in the moment, at least sometimes.
How attentive he is The best kinds of guys remember things you say over text and bring them up later without being prompted. If he does, it shows that he paid attention to your conversation, and wasn’t just answering with mindless stock responses like “sure,” “yeah,” and “lol.”
How intelligent he is If you’re unsure the kind of schooling a guy had you’ll learn pretty quick when you see the extent (or lack of) of his vocabulary. If he talks like the kid you babysit on the weekends, you probably don’t want to pursue him any longer.
His communication style Though not the same as in person conversation, how a guy prefers to communicate can still come through over texting. Does he send one-word answers or does he elaborate on his thoughts, ideas, feelings, etc.? Does he seem super serious or playful? Is he afraid to say what’s on his mind or open with what he shares?
Whether or not he can handle your venting If you have a crappy day and send a novel about how much you hate your boss, and he just sends “I’m sorry,” he clearly didn’t bother reading your rant. If you want someone who’ll take your side, validate your frustration, and then distract you with a funny story, you’ll be able to see if he fits the bill via text.
His listening skills It’s pretty obvious whether or not he’s actually reading your texts by how quickly he responds. If you send three paragraphs and two seconds later, he’s typing, he didn’t bother to finish your words—and he’s probably an a**hole. Also, if he mentions something you said over text the next time you hang out, he’s clearly paying attention.
How he processes his thoughts Some guys send a lengthy text that they’ve typed and edited 10 times to make sure they get it right. Others send spitfire short messages one after the other as soon as the thoughts come out of their head into their fingers. Both types of guys have their perks, but you’ll see which category he falls into.
What he thinks about grammar This comes down to personal preference, but you’ll know very early on whether or not he cares about spelling or punctuation. Most smartphones make it hard to mess up thanks to Siri and spell check, so if he’s still sounding like an uneducated brat, he’s probably bad news. Besides, how hard is it to give a text a once over before sending it?
If he’s exciting or boring Seeing what things he chooses to share throughout the day can give you a good sense of whether or not he’s the kind of person you want to be around. If he’s always texting about the weather, you might want to move on.
Whether or not he plays games Unfortunately, the texting platform makes passive aggression really easy. If he’s always sending messages that require some serious reading between the lines, you’re going to want to look for someone a bit more mature. You need a guy who isn’t afraid to be real over text and isn’t playing hard to get.
If he’s super into you Let’s be real—if he’s falling for you, his texts are going to show it. Pay attention to the way he responds, the number of times he initiatives new topics when the conversation dies down, and the kind of playful emoticons and gifs he sends. They’ll tell you a lot about his feelings, even if his specific words don’t.
If he’s over it Just like knowing if he’s going strong, if a guy is clearly just answering you because he feels obligated, you’ll know that too. When every other text is “yeah…” or “sure…” or some other empty reaction to something you’ve said, do yourself a favor and move on.
What kind of boyfriend he’d be Though not a fool-proof test (some people just suck at texting), sending messages back and forth can be a decent indication of the kind of man he will be in a relationship. Look for someone who is attentive, understanding, fun and respectful. If you have amazing chemistry over text, it’s only going to make the real thing that much better.
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