Every once in awhile, I get this overwhelming sensation to reach out to my ex. I can’t always explain why, and most of the time, I know it’s a bad idea. But when the urge takes over my brain, I just ask myself these questions to get myself thinking with my head instead of my heart again.
- Am I Just Bored? Do I only want to text him because I’m not in the mood to rewatch “The Office” for the thousandth time? If there was something good on TV, would I even be thinking about whether or not I should reach out to him? Honestly, probably not. It’s not that I really really really want to talk to him — I’m just bored AF.
- What Exactly Do I Want To Say? A small part of me wants to pour my heart out — tell him I miss him and beg him to take me back. But, a bigger part of me wants to say, “SCREW YOU” and then tell him how crappy of a boyfriend he was. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t send that text. After all, if I don’t have anything nice to say, I probably shouldn’t say anything at all.
- What Do I Want Him To Say? Do I really want to have a basic conversation with him about “what he’s been up to?” Not really.
- Does He Deserve My Time? No, he doesn’t. He broke up with me. Sure, maybe the relationship didn’t end on bad terms, but it ended, and I was heartbroken. So much so that I cried myself to sleep for weeks and sent hundreds of text messages that he’s yet to respond to. I gave him a ton of my time and energy; he doesn’t deserve any more.
- Am I Going To Be Pissed If He Doesn’t Respond? If I send him a text filled with my feelings, and he doesn’t respond, how am I going to feel? Am I going to cry? Am I going to sit in a dark room reading Sylvia Plath? Probably.
- What Would My Friends Say Right Now? My friends would be pissed if they knew I was entertaining the idea of texting my ex. “Don’t you dare do it,” they’d shout! Okay okay, I won’t.
- Has My Life Been Better Without Him? Yes, it has. Not only have I been happier, I’ve been more relaxed. I don’t have as much stress in my life because I don’t have to deal with all of his drama. Do I really want his BS in my life again? No thank you.
- Am I Just Looking For Closure? If so, I’m probably not going to get closure through a random text conversation with him at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday night. Plus, closure is something I have to find on my own. He can’t give it to me.
- Why Haven’t I Heard From Him? Really, though. Has he been too busy dating other people? Probably. He hasn’t reached out to me, and it’s probably because he hasn’t wanted to! He’s moved on.
- Who Else Can I Text? Literally, anyone else. I could text my best friend — I could even text that cute guy I’ve been flirting with for weeks. All better options.
- Do I Want To Talk To Him? Or do I just want to talk to SOMEONE? It might feel like I want to talk to my ex. But really, I just want to talk to a man — not a friend, not a cousin, not my father — a man who thinks I’m attractive, smart, and caring.
- What About Him Do I Miss? Do I really miss him, or do I miss the relationship? Or, more importantly, do I miss the memories I have of the relationship?
- Am I Going To Regret It? There’s a good chance that I’ll regret reaching out to him. Even if he does respond, the conversation probably won’t last long. Eventually, he’ll stop responding and then I’ll feel like an idiot for texting him in the first place!
- Do I Actually Want Him Back? Would dating him again, or even being friends, make my life better? Probably not. Sure, I might love him. But that doesn’t mean we’re supposed to end up together. The relationship didn’t work out because we didn’t work as a couple — it wasn’t because of “bad timing” or our individual immature tendencies. We just weren’t meant to be.
