Having a cautious approach to love is the best way to protect yourself from heartbreak, and who wouldn’t want to avoid unnecessary pain? You’ve been through hell with past breakups and came out the other end stronger. You’re tougher and more guarded these days, and this is what dating is like now:
- You make men work hard to earn your trust. You don’t trust anyone when you first meet them and make every man prove to you that he isn’t a liar. You’re suspicious of a guy’s motives when he pursues you, and you make him work hard to earn your trust.
- You search thoroughly for red flags. You look for any sign that this could possibly end up as a disaster. In the past, you had maybe overlooked a red flag or two, and it ended up biting you in the butt. Now, you’re hyper-vigilant of signs that the relationship could sour, and you’d rather be safe than sorry when something that concerns you comes up.
- You anticipate being disappointed. You really aren’t putting any eggs in the next guy’s basket. You haven’t completely given up on love, but you assume the next guy isn’t going to be the one either. You do your best to go through the motions on a first date and have an open mind, but somewhere in your heart, you’re just waiting for the sign that he’s not the one for you.
- You try not to get excited over that initial spark. You know that that first spark or initial sexual attraction can fade, or worse. It can totally implode or crash and burn. When an immediate connection just feels so good, you talk yourself out of being excited or picturing a future together, because experience tells you that that feeling is not a forever thing.
- You listen to your head over your heart. And vagina. You don’t care how much chemistry or sexual tension is there if your brain says this guy is a no go. You rely only on your brain to make decisions these days, because your other organs have caused you to make decisions that left you hurt and regretful.
- You’d rather be alone than be hurt. You’re totally over being hurt and going through heartache again. That’s the whole point of dating cautiously, and if being alone is the only way to guarantee not being screwed over, then so be it. If no one can prove themselves totally worthy of your heart, then you’re staying single. You have no problem waiting for the amazing guy, no matter how long it takes.
- You keep things casual as long as possible. You’d rather not jump into something serious, because that’s where things get messy. You keep things casual to avoid wasting your time on another dud, and to make sure you have enough time to wade into a relationship and make sure if it’s right. If someone rushes you before you’re ready, you’d rather bail. You won’t be steamrolled by ultimatums any more.
- You have a mile-long list of deal breakers. Being cautious mean having a plan to avoid getting screwed over, and that means having deal breakers. Lives in his mama’s basement? DEALBREAKER! Is he besties with his ex? DEALBREAKER! Sure, it might not be fair at all, but you don’t care about being fair to every guy you go on a date with. You care about protecting yourself.
- You keep your options open. Having multiple options is the best way to play it safe. When the right guy shows up, convinces you it’s safe to tear your walls down, and completely sweeps you off your feet, then — and only then — will you commit to a serious relationship with one man. Until then, you’re all about yourself, your friends, and your career. And if one of the guys you’re casually seeing doesn’t like it, he can just leave. You won’t miss him.
