I Don’t Believe In Soulmates & Neither Should You

The idea of having a “soulmate” is often drilled into our heads from when we’re young, so it’s no wonder that so many of us grow up hoping that we’ll find that one person who we’re destined to be with. The problem, though, is that this idea might messing up your view of love, and here’s why:

No one will be perfect for you. Everyone has flaws and quirks, so what makes you think that one day you’ll find a guy who is just perfect in every way? No one will ever be exactly how you want them to be — we’re all human, and we all make mistakes. So stop trying to find your perfect soul mate, because perfect doesn’t exist.

Relationships take work. The idea of soulmates is nice and romantic, but relationships take work. They aren’t ever going to be easy and effortless. Sure, there will be lots of good times in any decent relationship, but there will be moments that are hard and there will be things you have to work through to make your relationship really last. It’s not so easy as finding the person you’re destined to be with and having an easy journey from there.

You can’t expect everything to be a fairy tale. Stop waiting for your Prince Charming to come. No one is going to sweep you off your feet and ride off into the sunset with you. This is real life, and it comes with highs and lows. I’m not saying there won’t be great times in your relationship, and you may find a great guy that makes you feel like a princess. But it won’t be like that all the time. There will be struggles and things that’ll shake your relationship. What makes a truly great relationship, though, is being able to last through those tough times.

There are millions of fish in the sea. With so many people living on this planet, how is it possible that there’s just one out there for you? And that somehow you have to find him and pick him out of everyone else? The chances of you actually finding that person and being in the same location as them are pretty slim.

You can choose your own soulmate. I believe that we get to choose who our soulmate will be. We pick who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. A soulmate isn’t someone out there waiting to be found, it’s someone that you care very deeply for and want to build a life with.

You shouldn’t sit around waiting. The idea of a soulmate makes it seem like you have no control — you have to wait until magically that person falls in your lap and makes everything right. But I don’t believe that we should spend our lives sitting and waiting. Take action. Go out and find the person that you want to be with, and commit to that relationship. Life is meant to be lived, so stop waiting for your “soulmate” and go live your life.

Destiny doesn’t decide your future, you do. Although I do believe a little bit in destiny and fate, I ultimately believe that we create what we want in this life. It’s not decided somewhere that this is how your life will be, and it’s not set in stone that this is how things will work out. So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that everything is already decided for you. The decisions you make can impact your life, and they’ll ultimately decide your future in love and everything else.

It’s too much pressure. The word “soulmate” just creates a lot of pressure to find the right person or to be the right person to someone else. But putting that kind of pressure on yourself or someone else is only going to hurt your relationship, not make it better. That’s a lot to live up to if you’re expecting someone to be your soulmate. So take the strain off and focus on just creating a great relationship with the person you choose. Over time, they can become your soulmate without you even knowing it.

A soulmate won’t change your life. It’s the decisions that you make and the things that you do that change your life — things don’t magically get better just because one person makes their entrance into your world. Finding your supposed soulmate won’t make all of your problems go away. Stop thinking that there’s one person out there who will make life all worthwhile. You’re better off creating that happiness for yourself instead.

You can love multiple people (hopefully not at the same time). No, I’m not saying you should be with different guys and have multiple relationships at once. There have been different men that I have loved in my life at different times and for different reasons. Some of them stayed in my life and some of them left, but that’s how things work. To think that there’s only one person that you’ll love for all of your life is pretty sad in my opinion. There may be multiple people that you’ll fall in love with, and that’s okay. Maybe they were all your soulmates at some point — just not the kind that last forever.

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