Chances are you’re not going to end up alone, but on the off chance that you do, it doesn’t have to mean a life of loneliness and longing. On the contrary, you can fill your time with amazing hobbies, people, creatures, pursuits, and creations. After all, real freedom can only be found when you let go of thinking you’ll finally be okay with yourself and your life when you have a partner. A boyfriend or girlfriend won’t fix you — you’re fabulous just as you are. Fill your time with these things to be even more fabulous:
Work on yourself. As long as you’re breathing, you have work you could be doing on yourself. As brilliant Buddhist teacher Shunryu Suzuki said, “Each of you is perfect the way you are … and you can use a little improvement.” Ever thought about getting a therapist for all that childhood stuff you haven’t worked out yet? How about joining a 12-step program to deal with that habit that’s interrupting your life? Even self-help books or a willingness to be honest with yourself is a great start. Being alone is a perfect time to reflect inward and to grow into a better person.
Travel solo. Always dreamed about traveling across Southeast Asia, stopping on luscious islands, eating delectable street food, and visiting holy temples? Now is your time. You’re not paying for dates or the outrageous cost of a wedding. Instead, pocket your savings and take that solo trip you’ve been dreaming about since you first saw pictures of Bali on Instagram. It’s one of those things you’ll regret not doing. If spending a ton of money isn’t in the cards right now, act like a tourist in your own town. Visit the touristy sites and relish in the food that is classic in your area!
Further your education. Expanding your education could mean getting a degree or taking classes at a local center. Taking night classes replaces the time you may have otherwise spent nuzzled up with a sweetie. It’s totally fine — a course you’re passionate about makes almost as good a lover. Excel spreadsheets not your thing? The possibilities are endless. Money doesn’t have to stand in the way; there are low-income options. Take a sewing class at your local library or community center.
Have an affair with your creative pursuits. Has there been a creative outlet that’s always called to you, but you’ve hushed it? In her book Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert encourages us to engage with our creativity like it’s a long-lost lover. Sneak away from your desk job for 15 minutes to “hook up” with your craft. Find a corner in the office to write poetry. Be ten minutes late to a meeting because you were savoring that amazing meal you just cooked. Get wild and have an affair with your creative pursuits.
Get to know your own body. According to Statisticbrain.com, 89 percent of women admit to masturbating. When they surveyed married women, the number fell to only 70 percent. We can assume that some of those women are having great sex, but about 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone. So, unless someone’s partner is taking great care of them, there’s a good chance even those having lots of sex aren’t having orgasms. Time spent alone is a great time to get to know your body and learn how to have mind-blowing orgasms.
Adopt a furrever friend. It’s hard to feel terribly alone when you have a 75-pound husky cuddling on you because he thinks he’s a lap dog. Pets make any loneliness much more manageable. If cats are your preferred pet of choice, adopt one from your local shelter. Adopting a furrever friend combats your loneliness and saves an animal’s life. Committing to 10 to 20 years with a new furry friend sound like too much? Consider fostering. Pets can be fostered for short periods of time while a shelter is trying to place them. Be careful, though! That “temporary” tabby may steal your heart.
Grow your spirituality. Although most millennials don’t identify as religious, many identify as spiritual. A religious Landscape Study done by the Pew Research Center found that “51 percent [of millennials] say they feel a deep sense of spiritual peace and well-being at least once a week.” Maybe spiritual peace and well-being come from yoga, meditation, prayer, or involvement in some sort of center for you. Or maybe it means getting together for coven night with your gals. Whatever spirituality means to you, being alone gives you an amazing opportunity to nurture your connection with the universe.
Help others. When all else fails, you’re absolutely guaranteed to feel connected to your fellow humans and the world when you offer a hand. Ghandi said, “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Some days you may feel like being single totally sucks. On those days, go volunteer. Pick up the phone and call a friend who is struggling. Offer a homeless man more money than you’d like. You may just find that in helping someone else you discover the beauty of what makes you human.
Experiment with hobbies. Maybe creativity isn’t your cup of tea. Perhaps instead of painting, you’ve always really wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle or play roller derby. Do it. Do all of those things you’ve always wanted to do. What’s stopping you?
Be weird and crazy. Get a ridiculous tattoo, have a witch read your tarot cards, try a sensory deprivation tank. Life is so short. You have no one holding you back. You don’t have to consider what a partner will think; you really just get to do whatever the hell you want. This is your life. Live it!
Have an awesome life even if the ideal guy does come along. Being alone forever is hardly ideal. Most of us crave a loving partner. But coming to terms with being alone means that you can turn your attention away from moping and instead direct it towards celebrating your life. If a potential partner does cross your path, they’re going to be greeted with your best self. You’ll be charging towards life, bettering yourself, embracing what you love, and becoming comfortable in your own skin. And what’s more attractive than all of that?
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