“What The F*ck Was I Thinking?” & Other Thoughts I Had After Hooking Up With My Ex

I saw my ex and suddenly it seemed like everything was back to the way it used to be before it all went south. I knew better, but I slept with him anyway — just that once for old times’ sake, right? Hooking up with an ex rarely ends well, but it did leave me with plenty of regrets the next day.

“What the f*ck was I thinking?” I know I shouldn’t feel bad for sleeping with my ex, but I do have to wonder what was going through my head the night before. The moment the after glow wears off, my ex didn’t seem quite as wonderful as he did earlier.

“He’s going to think I’m weak.” I swore I’d never have anything to do with him, yet here I am tangled up with him all over again. He’s going to think I’m too weak to resist him. I don’t want to be weak. I want him to know I’m strong and definitely don’t need him any longer.

“He’s going to want more.” Great, now he’s going to want more than just a one time hook-up. I just wanted sex with someone I was comfortable with. I don’t want to start over. It ended for a reason. Am I really going to have to have this conversation with him?

“Why the hell did I even speak to him?” I just had to say hello, didn’t I? I should’ve just walked away the moment I saw him coming over. Look at the smug ass smile. He knew I was going to sleep with him before he even said a word. This is it. No more talking to him… but that damn smile is so hot.

“I should’ve listened to my friends.” I know they told me not to go home with him. They told me I’d regret it, and they were right. I should have listened to them. Nothing good ever comes from hooking up with an ex.

“How does it hurt all over again?” I thought I was over this. Why does it feel like my heart’s breaking all over again? It was just sex, but it feels so wrong to just leave. I know he’s remembering how it ended too. We should’ve just ignored each other and then I wouldn’t be hurting so much.

“Who else has he been with?” I know it’s none of my business, but I can’t help wondering who else he’s been with since me. Did I know any of them? Why is it pissing me off so much to think of him with other women? I don’t care. At least I don’t think I do.

“He didn’t deserve to see me naked again.” He’s the one who screwed things up. Why did I reward him by letting him see me naked again? He broke my heart, yet here I am giving him exactly what he wants. Maybe if I just push him out of the bed, he’ll feel just a little of the pain I did.

“I just feel even more lonely now.” I can admit, at least to myself, that I was feeling a little lonely and vulnerable. I thought he’d make me feel better, but now I just feel even worse. I can’t even manage to sleep with someone who wants to stay with me.

“Did we talk about getting back together?” What were we talking about right after sex? Were we really talking about how great we were together? I can’t let myself to do this. We can’t get back together. I know how it ends and it’ll just end again.

“I can’t do this again.” I think I’m on the world’s most nauseating roller coaster right now. I can’t let myself do this again. I’ve got to be stronger than this. I know he’s sexy as sin, but it’s just not worth it.

“Is he the best I can do?” Seriously, I can’t find anyone other than my ex? Did I peak with him? Am I going to be alone forever? I’ve got to get out of here.

“I didn’t even ask if he was single.” It all happened so fast. What if he’s seeing someone else? He would’ve told me, right? I don’t want to be the other woman, not even as a hookup. Note to self — ask more questions before hooking up with an ex.

“What’s he going to tell our friends?” Damn our mutual friends. They’re going to give me so much hell for this. Of course, he’ll look like a hero and then I’ll seem like a bitch for not wanting to get back together. Can we just rewind and not do any of this?

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