Forget Cliche Breakup Advice—These Are The Things That Help Me Pick Myself Up Again

Generic breakup rules really piss me off. They never make me feel better and in the past, I just felt forced to do them because I didn’t know what really worked. Thankfully, I tested out a bunch of different post-breakup activities for myself and these 15 ultimately helped me move on from the losers.

  1. I chase them down on social media. I know it’s good to cut all contact with an ex and stop following them on social media. But honestly, I like to see what they’re doing as much as possible. It might sound like it’s painful 0r stalkerish, but the day when I don’t feel the urge to cry when looking at his gorgeous selfies, I know I’m on my way to getting over him!
  2. I give myself closure. I know it can be good to chat to the ex about what went wrong. Well, for some people. For me, I prefer to give myself closure. I think about what happened and why it happened, so I can move on. I don’t want to see him again.
  3. I jump into something new. Whenever I’ve started dating again soon after a breakup, it did wonders for my self-esteem. It gave me perspective by showing me there were so many other options out there in the dating pool and I shouldn’t get upset over one guy.
  4. I set a limit on my tear ducts. It’s good to get the waterworks going and I always feel good after a cry. But sometimes crying becomes an unhealthy habit, turning into self-pity. I prefer to limit my crying sessions to no more than five minutes a day.
  5. I lash out in my head. I don’t get all zen and try to relax—I have hectic arguments with my ex in my head, telling him off and throwing vases at him. Sometimes I have loads of these fake fights, which might seem crazy, but they work to get my feelings out there and work through the pain.
  6. I shut up about it. I don’t talk to my friends about how I feel, what my ex did until their ears bleed or analyze why he dumped me. That’s such a waste of time! I’d rather spend time with them having fun and being distracted from my pain.
  7. I embrace the bad thoughts. I don’t want to be super positive and challenge every negative thought. I’m not a member of the Brady Bunch! I’m going to have loads of negative thoughts after a breakup, and I want to feel comfortable with them. Otherwise how the hell can I move forward?
  8. I don’t chuck out memories. It’s good to toss those love letters, old sweatshirts, and all the other stuff I accumulated during that relationship. I’d rather hold onto it all so I can torch it when the really angry phase of the healing process hits me! Bonfire, woohoo!
  9. I cut out the future bad guys. I don’t get a haircut or dye my hair pink. I hate that I have to show my pain by altering my appearance. What does my poor hair have to do with my loser ex? I’d like to hold onto it, thanks. Instead of changing my hair, I change my dating type. It’s so much more beneficial.
  10. I choose the horror flicks. Watching weepy movies like “The Notebook” to get over my ex? No thanks. I’d rather enjoy a really scary psychological thriller or horror movie. That’s a great way to feel better and forget about that loser instead of waste another minute crying over him.
  11. I create a new normal. Breakups can really mess with me. It’s like I have to find a new routine for myself so that I don’t feel lost. I’d rather do this than wait around for the feeling to pass. If someone says “Time heals all wounds,” they’d better GTFO! Time doesn’t heal anything.
  12. I throw my energy into something good. I don’t need to “focus on my career”—I was doing that already, thank you very much. I’d rather find something different to throw all my energy and anger into. I remember after one particularly bad breakup, I just started writing a story for hours every day, with my ex as the psychopath character. It was so therapeutic!
  13. I eat carrots, not ice cream. I know that carbs are great comfort foods but I’d rather eat healthy foods after a breakup. Being healthy is much better for me. If my body feels good, I’ll heal my emotions faster.
  14. I press “delete.” People have told me that I should consider being friends with an ex once I’ve healed. WHY? I’d rather just delete and block them on social media once I’m sure I’m over them. The last thing I need is to consider a friendship. Talk about a step back!
  15. I don’t set a time limit. There’s the myth that it takes half the length of your relationship to get over your ex. So, if my relationship lasted a year, I should take six months to get over it. That’s BS. I don’t want to believe such things that’ll trap me in sadness. I won’t feel guilty for getting over an ex after a month. If that’s how long it takes, then so be it. It just means I’m ready to bounce back!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.
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