In a world where it seems like good men are nearly impossible to find, it helps to see my friends end up with guys who treat them well and make them happy. Every time I think I’m never going to find the right man for me, I take heart in seeing how happy they are in their relationships. Here are the ways in which watching my friends find love keeps me from losing hope entirely:
I’m forced to be positive about men. Admittedly, I usually have kind of a negative view towards men, especially when I’m in a very long dry spell and not dating whatsoever. Seeing guys who treat women with love and respect forces me to admit that they aren’t all bad and shakes me out of my funk. It’s good for me to see that there’s still hope out there when I feel none for myself.
I get to know and like the guys as friends of my own. Not only do my friends get boyfriends, I also get some rad guy friends out of the deal. The more I get to know them, the more I like them. Having quality guy friends is very helpful when you’re beginning to think all men are pieces of sh*t who only want to get in a girl’s pants and then take off. That’s clearly not the case, and they’re great reminders of that.
I see how good they are to my friends. It helps my perspective to watch the way my friends and their boyfriends interact. I see when it’s unhealthy and I see when it’s healthy. It’s almost like watching their relationships teaches me what is good and what’s bad. When one of my friends dates someone who is wonderful for her, it’s almost hilarious how simple it is to see what works and what doesn’t.
I hear stories of the sweet things they do, so I know romance isn’t dead. My friends and I aren’t the gushing type, but I can tell when they’re happy. They’ll casually tell me little stories about the romantic things their guys do for them, and it’s not hard to see the love that’s there. Knowing that sweet, caring, thoughtful men still exist in this world gives me optimism that I can find one myself.
I watch the relationships develop healthily. It’s good to see the normal, natural progression of a good partnership. I didn’t have adult role models growing up — my parents had a terrible relationship, as did most other people I knew. I can honestly say I wasn’t sure for a very long time what a balanced partnership actually looks like. Now I look at my friends who have finally found wonderful emotionally mature men and see how it should be.
It helps me believe in love again. When I’m not in love, especially for a long time, I get really cynical. I feel like I’m honestly never going to find the kind of real true love I’m craving. My mindset can become pretty dark. Seeing my friends happy in love helps me believe that I can find it someday too.
I find myself rooting for them to work out. I can have a pretty negative view on dating. I sometimes wonder if I think any relationship can ever truly survive long term. When I see how happy my friends and their boyfriends are, though, I want it to work for their sake. I want them to stay happy forever. Seeing them together makes me believe it’s possible and makes me way more optimistic.
It reminds me that I need to stay positive about my own love life. A lot of my friends found their guys seemingly by accident or out of nowhere. It helps to remember that when I feel like no guy will ever take notice of me again. My love could be just around the corner — I have to stay hopeful. I remind myself of their awesome origin stories every time I’m afraid I’ll never meet the right man.
It reminds me that I have to be patient. Wonderful love doesn’t come around every day. I have to work on myself and get to a position where I’m truly ready for a healthy, balanced partnership with the right man. I could very well ruin a wonderful thing if I haven’t made sure that I’m in a good place first. My friends who have found love did so after they established themselves and became very grounded in who they are. It helps to remember that.
It provides a constant reminder that there is hope. Nothing gives me more hope than constant examples of mature and steadfast love right in front of my face. It’s impossible for me to deny it when I see it all around me. It makes me happy just to know such a phenomenon is possible and that I might get it for myself someday.
It helps me to understand what I want. I’ve often stumbled into relationships with no clear idea of what I’m seeking. This, of course, has led to disaster. Being single and observing the healthy relationships of my friends and their partners has given me perspective on my own love life. I have a much better understanding of what I need and want from a boyfriend.
It demonstrates that love can withstand obstacles. One of my biggest fears is that the person I love will abandon me if the going gets tough. I’ve definitely experienced that in past relationships. Sometimes I lose faith that any relationship can overcome great difficulty. Then I look to my friends and their men to remind myself that yes, it is indeed possible. Watching them navigate hardship together teaches me that love is stronger than I ever believed.
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