Being Friends With My Exes Is My Idea Of Hell — How Do People Do It?

To all the women out there who can stay friendly with the guys who have broken their hearts: good for you. I mean that sincerely, but when a relationship is done, I’m truly done too. Here’s why being friends with my exes is my idea of hell:

I either like someone or totally hate them. I’m a hot and cold kind of girl. This is how I feel about everything in my life from TV shows (I’ll get totally obsessed with one show and watch it for a week) to food (I adore avocados and will never eat quinoa). So why would I keep hanging out with someone that I’m totally turned off? I either really like a guy or absolutely loathe him and that’s something that never changes.

I always try to make things work the best I can. If I can’t make things work with someone, then there’s no reason for them to stay in my life. Sure, we tried, but if we’re not going to continue seeing each other, we don’t need to talk either. I have to move on and make a clean break. It doesn’t make sense to do anything else.

I don’t date my guy friends. Maybe if I dated guys that were already part of my social circle, I would feel differently, but that’s not how I roll. I date guys that were total strangers before, so if we weren’t good friends before we broke up or stopped seeing each other, why would we start now?

I would always wonder, “What if?” Whether men and women can truly be friends is a When Harry Meets Sally debate that has never truly been solved. I’m not about to solve it now either, but I will say that if I stayed friends with an ex, I would always wonder if we should have stayed together. If we broke up for a horrible reason or just because we weren’t right for each other, the temptation to try again would be pretty toxic.

I forgive but don’t forget. When a guy hurts me, I’m totally over him. Most of the time, when things go south with a new guy, I’m too mad to cry or get sad. While I forgive, I definitely don’t forget, and that would make it impossible for me to continue to be friendly with this person.

I would become a jealous wreck. Even if I’d moved on from an ex, staying in his life would make me paranoid. I would get jealous of any new girl he dated and always wonder what he was doing and if he was thinking about me. That’s definitely not how I want to spend my time.

I would fixate on the good times and happy memories. Sometimes by the time something ends, my only positive memories are what a good kisser this guy is, and to be totally honest, that would drive me pretty crazy. I wouldn’t be able to hang out with this guy without hoping for another epic make-out session… and that wouldn’t be good for our newly platonic state. Not the best idea.

I want to be free to find love again. If I’m stuck in the past, I’m not going to think about the future. Why would I stay friends with an ex-boyfriend when I should be looking ahead to the great love story that hopefully is to come? I can’t think about someone new when I’m still hung up on an ex and being friendly with someone I’ve already dated would only ruin my chances.

I think friendship is a big deal. I treat my friendships just as seriously as I do my romantic relationships, if not more. I’ve had a ton of friend breakups and have gotten rid of the toxic people in my life. I wouldn’t be friends with just anyone and so if a guy breaks my heart or proves to me that he’s not a good person, I’m not going to let him stay in my social circle.

I would feel super weak. Of course I’ve been dumped before, like anyone else, but I’ve always been strong enough to walk away from situations that haven’t been good for me. If I knew that I didn’t want someone to continue to be my boyfriend and yet stayed friends with him, I would feel super weak. It wouldn’t be a good look for me… or a good feeling, either. So when a relationship ends, I’m done too, and that’s the only way I want it to be.

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