I’ve lost count of how many guys I’ve heard complaining about being friend-zoned. While I know it sucks to only be thought of platonically by someone you’re romantically interested in, this is why guys have no room to complain about being put in the “friend zone” if their one and only motive is to sleep with us:
We all know you want to get laid. We’re not clueless to the fact that men love sex. In fact, women like it just as much. It’s just that it’s not our number-one priority when we’re figuring out if we’re into someone. If guys would stop talking about and alluding to sex so much while getting to know us, that would be great.
We’re looking for a guy who thinks with the head on his shoulders. As much as we might love the idea of finally hooking up with a guy that we like, many of us are into getting to know who a guy is and what kind of mind and manners he has first. If a man wants us to feel at ease and to look at him as more than a friend, he needs to start behaving like a gentleman rather than being controlled by his libido.
You could have had a shot until you treated us like an object. The second that you suggest hooking up before you’ve made any real effort to get to know us, it’s an immediate turnoff. There’s nothing sexy or attractive about being made to feel like we’re simply someone new to have sex with that you haven’t yet conquered. We want to feel desired for who we are, not what we can offer you sexually.
We like to be made to feel special in other ways. The guys who make the transition from friends to boyfriends are the ones who show us the more important details about why they’d make great boyfriends. They do things like texting us back without games, making thoughtful plans to see us even in the midst of their busy lives and treating us like we’re actual humans instead of sex dolls. Think outside the box, fellas.
We want a guy who shows maturity. It’s attractive AF when a guy isn’t completely fixated on getting us into bed. Any horny teenager can try to go out of his way to convince a girl to sleep with him, but a mature woman is going to want a mature guy who can offer her more than just a romp in the sheets. If you can’t offer us that, you have no chance of getting anywhere with us.
There’s nothing wrong with an awesome platonic friendship. So what if the woman you like did decide to keep things platonic for now? Sometimes that’s exactly how the best love stories start, and even if nothing romantic ever comes out of it, at least you’ve gained a friend. Instead of dwelling on the negative and finding more reasons to stereotype women as constantly “friend zoning” perfectly decent guys, show us that you’re a decent guy in the first place by being a good friend. Practice what you preach.
Some of us need to take it slow and steady. Some women aren’t into dating and jumping right to the romantic things right off the bat — we need to pace ourselves, and we need our potential partners to do the same. Sex is often unwanted pressure that can push things along faster than we’d like. Showing patience instead of trying to jump right into bed with us is a much better approach. Try it sometime — you might be pleasantly surprised.
We’re over the laziness. While there are definitely good guys out there too, there are also a ton of guys who are just plain lazy when it comes to trying to impress women… and then get mad when we don’t want to date them. Call us when you say you will. Make an effort to text back within a reasonable time. Ask us about our childhood. It’s really not that difficult — you just need to try harder.
We’re not bad people for seeing you as friends. We’re not trying to actively mess with your egos by keeping things platonic — sometimes, we just genuinely see you as a good friend rather than a romantic interest. At least we appreciate you as a person — when you’re only nice to us because you want to sleep with us, that messes with our heads and makes us wonder how many of our other “friends” are really just hanging out with us because they want to have sex with us.
We’ll figure out your motives soon enough. It might take us a while, but eventually, we’ll figure out that you’re only being cool with us because you want to get us in bed. We know the difference between a genuine friend and one who is only using friendship as a way to lead up to something more. If you like us enough to want to date us, make the effort, but don’t throw a hissy fit if we end up just wanting to keep things platonic with you.
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