The Happiest Women Aren’t Desperate To Find Love — They’re Too Busy Giving It

Love is an amazing thing — it brings a lot of joy. But without love in our lives, sometimes we can become consumed by desperation as we chase down that warm, comfortable feeling yet again. It’s no surprise that the happiest women have all have love in their lives. The difference is, they’re not concerned with whether or not they’ve found it for themselves — because they’re too busy projecting it out into the world instead.

Sometimes the harder you’re searching for love, the harder it is to find. How many times have we lost our keys, our hair ties or — if we’re getting a little metaphorical here — our minds, only to finally give up looking and marvel at the way that they magically appear? Sometimes the more we stress about finding something, the more it eludes us. Happy women have stopped tearing their hair out trying to locate love in their lives — and they’re all the more zen for it.

Love is about giving, not receiving. When we talk about selfless love, we’re talking about love with no hang-ups, no ultimatums and nothing expected in return. Love is like the magic of Christmas in that way — it’s not about what you get, it’s about what you give. There’s no downside to love that has no jealousy, no illusions and no fear of being hurt. Pure love can only bring happiness — it doesn’t know how to create anything else.

It’s actually rewarding to love with no expectations. When you’re detached from your worries about being rejected, taken advantage of or not getting enough love in return, suddenly all the stress of love and relationships evaporates into thin air. If you don’t have any expectations in love, you don’t have any risks in putting yourself out there — so all you can do is reap the rewards.

You can’t control anyone else — but you can control yourself. You just can’t force someone to love you — and if you have to, can you even really call it love at all? Happy women know that they have to let go of their frustrations at the actions of other and focus on themselves instead. We might not be able to make anyone love us, but we can love them anyway — and more importantly, we can learn to love ourselves.

Love tends to multiply. Whatever we’re putting out into the universe, we tend to get back in multitudes in return. We can spend as much time as we want wishing for roses, but the only way we can ensure we’ll get them is if we plant some flowers ourselves. Giving out love leads to love coming our way; chasing love down only leaves us exhausted and out of breath.

Obsessing over the love you don’t have can make you bitter. Being cynical and angsty is for sad people and goth girls on 90’s cult television shows. It might feel good to wallow in your self-pity for a while, but when you start to become bitter about it, you’ll only drive people away. Why be a cold cup of instant coffee when you could be a pumpkin spice latte? Happiness isn’t resentful — it’s chock full of laughter and light.

Sometimes, being happy is just a matter of staying busy. Laying in bed bemoaning your lot in life might seem like a good move in the short-term, but for long-term satisfaction, staying focused is key. As unfortunate as it is, we don’t live in a reality where a perfect 10 is going to burst into our bedroom to announce their undying love for us (and also, that they brought pizza). When you’re focussed on putting love out there — and not just bringing it in — you’re too busy to remember to be sad.

Opening your heart sets it free. The worst habit we can pick up is closing ourselves off from the world and letting our past harden our hearts. Loving freely means opening ourselves up to be loved in return — it’s just a matter of putting love out there and feeling it all flood back in.

Selflessness is attractive. When most people think about what they want in a partner, “desperate” isn’t a word that usually comes up. Think of the most beautiful, light, charming version of yourself — are they desperately hauling ass after the prospect of being loved, or are they selfless and generous in the love that they’re giving to others instead?

Happiness comes from within. Unfortunately, we can’t always depend on love from the outside world to keep us feeling happy and whole. What we can do take the love we have in us and put it out into the world — whether or not we think any of it will find its way back to us. When making your own happiness is the only guarantee of finding any, we can become our own personal factories of positive vibes — which is something that the happiest women live by because they know it’s true.

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