Here’s A Radical Idea: Your Act Is Already Together

You might think that having your act together means that you have a perfect life, devoid of drama, stress, or anything negative. That’s not the case. Everyone has their own issues to deal with and you’re not any less together than anyone else. Here’s why you need to believe it.

1. There is no destination, only the journey. You’re not going to end up at a certain place in life and think, “Ah, this is it — everything is perfect and it’s going to stay like this forever now.” If you do end up there, it will be gone in a matter of minutes or days because there is no perfect destination. The journey is what life’s all about. Sure, there will be stops along the way where you feel confident and put-together, but they’ll be fleeting.
2. You’re always doing the best you can. At any given moment in time, you’re doing the best you can with what you have. You’re your own worst critic, always telling yourself you aren’t doing well enough, but in actuality, you’re doing your best. Remember this the next time you want to beat yourself up about how you “should” be in another place. The truth is, you’re right where you’re supposed to be.
3. Mistakes don’t define you. Part of being a human being is that it’s inevitable to make mistakes. They’re just part of life. Your act is already together because these mistakes don’t define where you are in life. They’re just stepping stones on the journey that is your life. You’re doing just fine and you are not your mistakes.
4. Life is impermanence. Pema Chodron wrote in her book When Things Fall Apart, “We think that the point is to pass the test or overcome the problem, but the truth is that things don’t really get solved. They come together and they fall apart. Then they come together again and fall apart again. It’s just like that. The healing comes from letting there be room for all of this to happen: room for grief, for relief, for misery, for joy.” There’s nothing solid in life to grasp onto — it’s all impermanent.
5. Every experience is a lesson. No matter how situations in your life turn out, each experience has something to teach you. Each one is there to reveal important life lessons along the way. You’re meant to learn and grow through each of these run-ins whether they’re pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. There’s a gem of wisdom hiding in each.
6. No job, person, hobby, experience, or thing is ever going to make you okay. So many people consider their “act together” if their lives look a certain way from the outside. They have a particular job, finally found that partner, or started doing an activity of their dreams. None of these things make you who you are or are going to help you find everlasting peace. They aren’t going to make it so that you finally have a place to hold onto where your “act is together.” That’s because you’re already okay.
7. Your self-worth is not dependent on external conditions. The thing is, your self-worth is already there. It’s innate and unwavering. Your lovability does not depend on external factors because it rests deep within you. You cannot have your “act together” because if you look deep down, you know that you already have everything you need.
8. There’s no need to beat yourself up over anything. Since you’re doing the best you can, you’re already whole, mistakes are part of the process, and everything is a lesson — there’s no reason to beat yourself up. Go ahead and put down the bat. Life is hard enough; you don’t need to be so dang critical in thinking that you’re failing or that you’re morally bankrupt.
9. There’s really no such thing as “having your act together.” In case it hasn’t become apparent, the idea of having it all together is a complete and total illusion. This idea of being all together is filled with aspects of life that people think define their character when really, character is defined by internal stuff. Since there’s no such thing as having it all together, you can be a little gentler with yourself, okay?
10. Just because you’re complete doesn’t mean you don’t have room to grow. So there’s no such thing as “having your act together,” but that doesn’t give you a free pass to just act like a jerk all the time. You can know you’re a complete person and still continue to be self-aware. You can forgive yourself for mistakes while trying not to make them again. You can be gentle with yourself while also trying to grow into a better person. I know it sounds contradictory, but the two dialectical truths can and should coexist.
11. You’re allowed to want for things. Even though your heart is filled with all that you need, you’re a human being with wants and needs. Owning your dream car or having a kick-ass partner can totally add to your overall happiness. I’m not saying to live in a bubble with your innate goodness alone to bring you joy. I’m simply saying you’re complete already and all of these other parts of life are just bonus.