He’s Just Not That Into You — Now What? 5 Things to Focus On

You went out one night. You met a guy. He seemed like a modern-day prince charming, what with those baby blues and that gorgeous face. You had fun. There was a date. And now, without so much as a drop in barometric pressure, he’s gone. There are no more calls, no more texts and no explanation. Ugh. It’s the “fade-out” — the classic move for a guy who’s just not that into you. It sucks, but here are some things to remember:

Repeat: “It’s not me….it’s him.” Tattoo this one on your forehead. Just because someone can’t see how incredible you are doesn’t somehow make you less incredible. Maybe he’s got commitment issues, maybe he doesn’t know how to be with another person, maybe his mom f*cked him up, maybe he’s not over the ever-present ex, maybe he’s just a douchebag. In any event, it’s not your fault. You, my dear, are fabulous. And it’s really too bad for him that he didn’t see that.

Remember: Your life is not more valuable when he witnesses it.When a relationship is in the early stages, you get a lot of validation from the other side. You’re told how pretty you are, how funny you are, how awesome it is that you do “X.” Then, when the relationship fizzles and all that validation is gone, it’s easy to feel like you’re not actually smart or funny or pretty simply because he isn’t there to tell you that you are. But here’s the thing: he didn’t create all of your awesome attributes – he simply noticed what was already there. Your worth is in no way dependent upon him or anybody else. So, that said, remember that he doesn’t need to witness your life in order for it to be authentic. You don’t need his validation. All of the fabulous, beautiful, wonderful things about you exist with or without him and, really, you’re probably better off without him.

Go kick ass. He will be sorry. Finding out that a guy just isn’t that into you basically presents you with two options – you can wallow or you can use it to be a better person. Shoot for the latter. It’s fine to be sad for a minute, but when that minute is over, it’s important to get back up and go kick ass. What are you good at? Get better at it. What do you love? Explore it. Take good care of your heart and your mind and your body. Be your best self. We’ve all heard the saying, “the best revenge is living well.” Think of it this way: You don’t need to be awesome to spite him but you need to be awesome in spite of him. Use this experience to become a stronger, smarter woman. Who cares what he thinks?

Get realistic. Although it might feel like he was the only fish in the sea, he wasn’t and when you look a little closer, you’ll realize you already know that. When you find out that a guy isn’t interested, you have to dig deep and get real with yourself. There are more and better men out there and, let’s be honest, you deserve someone who’s head over heels in love with you from the get-go. See this relationship for what it was, accept what it wasn’t and move on. Guys like that are a dime a dozen. Whatevs.

You have friends; enjoy them. When a dude fades out, it’s easy to dissolve into a puddle on the couch or do a solitary face-plant into a bottle of well whiskey but we’re here to tell you that there is a better way. Don’t sit at home wondering what you did wrong — remember #1 above: it’s not you, it’s him. So no pining — he’s not worth it. You’re better off calling some friends, putting on those jeans that make your butt look like it’s been sculpted by an artist, and heading out for a fun night. It’ll be good for you — when your ego is a little bruised, you need to get outside of your obsessing head and having a girls night is a great way to do that. So…call your friends! And then pick yourself up, move on, get happy and emerge from the situation even more awesome than you were before.

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