He’s Not Leaving His Girlfriend For You — He Just Wants You On The Side

Getting caught up in a love triangle is no laughing matter — so when your heart is on the line, it’s only natural to worry that the joke’s on you. Loyalty in relationships is no longer a given, so there’s always a chance that the seemingly great new guy in your life may already be taken. In fact, he may even be open about it but insist that their relationship is as good as over and they’re not REALLY even together anymore (except clearly, they totally are). If you notice any of these red flags, he’s likely not looking for true love — he wants a side piece:

When he flirts with you, it’s never just innocently. When a man loves a woman, he usually loves her for something other than how he thinks she’ll look naked. A player looking for something on the side has no time for flirty compliments about your eyes, your hair or your sense of humor, though. All those flirty lines of his might get your engines running — but if every single one of them is sexually charged, you’ve got to wonder: does he see you as anything other than a sexy fling?

His libido knows no chill. You could spend an hour regaling him of  Hannibal’s triumphant military occupation of the Roman empire, and all he’d have to say in return would be, “I’d like to cross your Alps ;).” If you’re finding him resistant to your every attempt to change the subject away from sex, it’s for a good reason: the prospect of getting some is the only reason he’s talking to you, period.

He’s sent you more than one d*ck pic, whether you’ve asked for one or not. Ah, the time-honored f*ckboy calling card: the unrequested d*ck pick. A man who’s looking for love sends flowers, chocolates or epic poetry; a player looking for a piece on the side sends a blurry pic of his schlong and a less-than-poetic, “u like what u see?”

He’s dirty with you in private, but in public, he’s the perfect gentleman… to another girl. If he’s still posting sweet nothings on her Facebook wall and tweeting her love quotes, then his current relationship is still going strong. When he’s making every effort to preserve his current relationship despite the fact that he’s trying to start something with you, it’s not because he’s trying to let her down easy. He might try to play like they’re not exclusive, but his actions don’t lie (even if he does).

He only seems to want to chat after-hours. Can you think of a time that he’s ever messaged you at length before 10PM? If your answer is no, then you probably already know why: he’s waiting until his girlfriend goes to sleep. It probably rubs you wrong that he’s always putting that darn old girlfriend of his before you… but unfortunately, that’s because she’s his girlfriend — you’re just the girl he’s hoping to score with when she’s not around.

He won’t ask you about your day, but he’ll happily ask for nudes. Knowing that he thinks you’re sexy might be a total turn-on, but if he asks to see your tits more often than he shoots you a non-sexual, “Hey, how are you?” then it might be time to face facts: he probably doesn’t care how your day was going. All the emotional energy that a guy would normally be spending getting to know a girl, he’s already spending on his girlfriend. As for you, you’re ending up with whatever dregs of horniness he has left over at the end of the day.

He complains about his current squeeze but makes no real moves to leave her. You’re not some kind of classless homewrecker and he knows that. You wouldn’t have even gotten in this deep with him if his constant complaints about his current girl didn’t have you certain that their relationship was doomed from the start. Unfortunately, if their impending breakup is dragging out longer than you ever imagined, it’s not because he’s looking for the right time to cut her loose — all that “relationship struggle” nonsense was just meant to get your hopes up enough he could get his dirty, cheating boot in the door.

You know more about his relationship problems than you do about him. When he calls you up to bitch about his girlfriend, it might make your heart go all pitter-patter… because you’re secretly hoping that this will be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. But if all he ever talks to you about is his girl problems, it’s because he’s already sharing everything else with someone else: his girlfriend. He’s only seeing you as a sexy therapist.

You stalk his girlfriend’s online profiles more than you’ve looked at his. If you know what she was up to this weekend (date night! totes cute~), her pet name for him (“boo”? yuck), and who’s in her profile picture with her (yep… it’s still him), then whether you’re friends with her or not, you already know too much. Feeling a little obsessive about his girl is normal, but not healthy — because the real reason you’re interested is because you’re wondering what she’s got that you don’t.

You feel guilty about having feelings for him. That sour, wormy feeling that’s all twisted up in your gut isn’t just indigestion from binging on too much Ben & Jerry’s, sweetheart — that’s guilt. Maybe at first it was just a little innocent fun until he finally ditched his girlfriend, but if it’s becoming clear that she’s sticking around, the realization is going to hit any moment: you’re the other woman, and for most of us, that is not a sexy place to be.

You’ve questioned whether he has any feelings for you at all. Beyond the feelings you create in his pants, that is. While he’s got no problems making you feel like you’re a total bombshell on the outside, inwardly you just know something is missing — because it is. When he wants you, but doesn’t want to be with you, your suspicions of this will only grow. If there’s only room for you in his bed, but not his heart, then kick that wanna-be cheater to the curb (and for her sake, hope that his poor girlfriend will do the same).

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