There’s one major theme in basically every sitcom ever made: we dudes are unobservant semi-humans who need loads of help just to tie their shoes in the morning. Now granted, we’re hardly the most self-aware creatures in the world, but we DO notice stuff about the finer sex that we absolutely love — things about you that you’d never notice yourself.
- How smooth your skin is In a totally non-creeper way, obviously. But seriously, how is your skin so smooth? All women have stupid smooth skin. It’s like every year there’s a smooth skin convention and every woman on the planet attends to make sure their skin is as smooth as possible. I’ve even copied my girlfriend’s skincare routine for a full two months before to see if I could achieve the same results, but no dice. I think it’s magic.
- How you have to stand on tiptoes reach things high up This is the best, because then we get to come up behind you and just reach whatever it is you’re trying to grab without jumping or tiptoes or anything and it makes us feel like the Marlboro Man. This is why every man secretly wishes cowboy hats were still a thing.
- How hot it is to us when you get us to open jars for you An oldie but a goodie. It might be nothing to you, but to us, getting us to open jars for you is the height of masculinity. It’s just a jar of pickles to you, but to us, it’s a clear and obvious sign from heaven above that WE ARE MEN AND WE CAN PROVIDE. I’m pretty sure it’s the modern equivalent of bringing back a really good bit of woolly mammoth.
- How pretty you look when you let your hair down And I don’t mean just wearing your hair down. I mean when you totally relax when you’re just chillin’, PJs and very old, soft, stained sweatshirts and all. It’s so nice seeing you with you relax for the day when we’re still around. It tells us that you’re comfortable enough around us to drop your guard a bit and relax, which is why we always get the warm and fuzzies. It helps that you look incredible in any and all loungewear.
- How people just seem to gravitate to your coolness It’s incredible. People are just drawn to amazing women like you. Whether you’re forming incredibly fast friendships with everyone around you or bringing a room to tears with the story about how you got stuck in a window, there’s nothing better than seeing you just being your crazy, awesome self.
- How crazy it is when you can remember something we told you a long time ago I don’t know how you do it and frankly, I don’t care. I’m happy to accept that your ability to remember basically everything is nothing short of magic, and when you use that to make us feel great, well, that’s just the best.
- How methodical you are when you get ready There’s a science to you looking your best. It’s a carefully cultivated 100-step process that you’ve optimized and honed for years. And it’s mesmerizing to witness. It’s like watching crazy fast workers – totally, absolutely hypnotizing.
- The speed and deftness with which you can do the hair in the towel thing I’ll never understand how you do it. It’s like a bend, flip twirl thing? I don’t get it. I’ve tried because tying a towel around my head seems like a super fun game. But somehow, it always falls off, or is crooked, or isn’t piled right. I don’t know if it’s the long hair that holds it up, or if it’s just pushed aloft by your feminine wiles. Either way, it’s amazing.
- How amazing you smell in the morning When I wake up, I smell gross. I KNOW I smell gross. And all guys, when they wake up, smell gross. Even swimmers, who spend hours a day basically bathing in diluted chlorine, smell terrible (and probably like chlorine). But somehow, you just smell incredible. After all, it’s the little things, right?
- How sexy you are when you’re having a great time Whether you’re belting out a song and you’re waaayyy out of tune and you just don’t give a crap or you’re dancing your heart out, watching you have an awesome time is what gets us up in the morning.
