You’ve probably dated them before — immature, emotionally unavailable messes. Break the cycle, woman! You know the signs by now. If you’re beginning something with a man who exhibits those familiar red flags of being unable to act like a grown man who has his act together, you need to get out before you’re in too deep. Here’s why:
- It won’t get better. Sometimes women are so damn optimistic when it comes to men. Suddenly all logic flies out the window despite the fact that the cold, hard truth of his BS is staring you in the face. You make excuses for him and hope for the best. Maybe he’ll change, you think. Newsflash — he’s a grown man already. If he’s still acting this way, stop hoping for a miracle.
- You need a boyfriend, not a kid. His mommy issues are not your problem. There’s no excuse for someone to lay all his needs on you. You’re supposed to be partners. Why would you go around picking up after the man in your life? Don’t dignify his childishness by allowing it or enabling it. If he can’t man up, move on. You’re his girlfriend, not his babysitter.
- He may promise to change, but he won’t. Be realistic — in the beginning, a guy will say and do almost anything to get in your good books. Maybe he just wants to get laid. Maybe he’s sincere, but he’s got overblown plans of grandeur driven simply by his newfound infatuation with you. This enthusiasm will wane and he’ll go right back to his old ways. Pay attention to the person he was before he liked you — that’s who he really is.
- You don’t have time for that crap. The bottom line is that you shouldn’t waste a minute of your life on a man who isn’t ready for you. He’s a mess, and you aren’t here to save him. That’s not your job. Your job is to find someone who is your equal partner in life who will make you truly happy. Don’t mess around with guys who don’t have their act together. There are plenty of women out there in the same boat. Let them find each other.
- He’ll make everything difficult. There’s no such thing as an easy relationship with an emotionally stunted guy unless you’re cool with not feeling any feelings. You can’t have an adult conversation about anything. You’ll have to guess how he thinks about everything, and dig to figure out the simplest answers to problems. It’s a pain in the ass.
- You can’t communicate. Sure, YOU might be great at communication, but when it comes to him, it’s like you’re talking to a brick wall. If you’re dating, you should be honest and open with each other. It shouldn’t be that difficult! If having the simplest of discussions feels like pulling teeth, you need to get rid of your headache, AKA him. Do you want to go through your whole life that way? Didn’t think so.
- He isn’t an equal partner. Are you doing his laundry for him? Do you have to leave him pre-made meals when you’re away so he doesn’t go to McDonald’s? More importantly, are you carrying more of the financial, emotional, and mental burden of the relationship? This guy is never going to be an equal partner to you. Better to see that now than get tangled up in his disaster of a world.
- You can’t build a life with him. You have to have someone who has the same life vision as you, who has goals and dreams and a plan for his future. An emotionally stunted man has trouble thinking beyond tomorrow. How can you feel secure with someone who can’t even talk to you openly about his feelings? Ain’t gonna happen. He’s fine for right now, but you’ll tire of his drama quickly.
- He’s a headache. Don’t date someone who causes you more anxiety than happiness. You thought he’d be chill and laid back, but he’s a quivering mass of insecurities and problems. You aren’t having any fun, are you? Huge problem. You most likely have plenty of stress in your life already without a partner who causes even more. Dump him and get some of your zen back.
- He just doesn’t get it. And he won’t. Don’t listen to the stupid voices in your head telling you that he’ll grow up someday. He’s not on the same page as you and that won’t change. He. Won’t. Change. The best scenario is that he’ll tell you what you want to hear and rope you into a codependent situation that you do not want. He can’t understand you and your position on things because he’s not there. You’ll never see eye-to-eye in disagreements, and you don’t want the same stuff out of life. It’s not going to work.
