If you’re a woman in your 30s and you’re still actively trying to find the right match, you aren’t alone. You might be in a great place in every other aspect of your life, but you’re still at a complete loss as to why you can’t seem to snag a decent guy. While it’s certainly true that the good ones are hard to come by, there could be another explanation for why you’re still single at this point.
- You’re way too picky. You take the idea of your perfect “type” way too seriously. Realistically, you’ll never find one person that checks off every single must-have quality on your list. This isn’t a recommendation to settle for less than you deserve, but you should keep an open mind. You might hate the idea of dating someone that’s shorter than you or has the same color hair as you, but there’s an actual person under that exterior that may treat you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated.
- You’ve turned your life into a Pinterest board. Your Tinder profile might claim you’re looking for someone that’s laid back and down to Earth, but your Insta feed tells a different story. Treating yourself to nice things and snapping pictures of your fancy drinks is fine, but if you’re going out of your way to give your life the appearance of perfection, you may come across as insincere and totally high maintenance.
- You refuse to rely on anyone for anything. Being independent is something to be admired, but you don’t need to take on the burdens of the world alone. You shouldn’t feel as if you need to play the damsel in distress to land a guy, but make sure you’re willing to accept him as an equal partner in this crazy adventure called life.
- You shut down anyone that’s not on your level. Of course dating a guy that lives in his mom’s basement sounds lame to you, but take a minute to consider why he’s there. Maybe his career didn’t kick off quite as quickly as yours or maybe he’s in deeper debt than you from continuing his education. Trying to be financially responsible is something to be admired. Who knows, the guy living in his mom’s basement could be saving up for your future dream house!
- Your “cool girl” act is coming off as indifference. It’s understandable that you’d want to protect yourself from guys that see you as an opportunity to take advantage. Or, you may feel like if you express your thoughts and desires too soon, you might push the guy you like away. If you want to get married and have babies, you shouldn’t be ashamed to say so. That’s not to say you should start pressuring him for a ring on your second date, but you’re a grown ass woman with expectations. Any guy that isn’t okay with that isn’t right for you!
- Being self-conscious about being alone is holding you back. There’s nothing wrong with you, and you aren’t broken. You simply haven’t found the right match yet. Sure, being the third wheel can be a little awkward, but you need to realize that your friends don’t see you as less of a person because you don’t have a guy on your arm. Don’t avoid social events because you don’t have a date. Embrace the fact that you are fabulous on your own; other people notice that kind of confidence.
- You’re looking for love in the wrong places. If you still love going to happy hour every other day after work and don’t mind swimming through the sea of 21-year-olds at the bar every Friday, props to you! Despite what some people say, it’s totally possible to find a good guy in a bar, but it’s not easy. If you find the bar scene to be totally exhausting or just don’t like the thought of finding your Prince Charming in a place where your shoes stick to the floor, that’s okay too. If you’re forcing yourself to go places you don’t want to be, it’ll show. Go to events you actually enjoy and don’t be afraid to go solo. Obsessed with Harry Potter? Go to a local trivia night and see if you can slide in with a team of cuties.
- You’re kissing too many frogs. You may be the opposite of picky at this point in your life. You don’t need to meet some sort of weekly dating quota to ensure your future chances of meeting Mr. Right. If you continue to swipe right and accept dates with guys you know you’ll never commit to, you’re leaving yourself less time to seek out the quality dude you deserve.
- Stand up to your friends and family. This journey can be frustrating, especially when the people you’re closest to suddenly feel the need to act as an authority on your love life. It can get intrusive and insulting. Speak your mind when this happens to you. You don’t need to accept every blind date your co-worker throws your way out of pity. Just because everyone else seems to be pairing up doesn’t mean you need to settle.
- Embrace the path you’re on. Enjoying your life isn’t going to render you emotionally unavailable. In fact, things seem to fall into place in an unexpected way as soon as you allow yourself to love your life.
