I’ve Been Single For So Long, It’s Turned Into A Lifestyle

I’ve been single AF for an extremely long time—so long, in fact, that it’s turned into a legitimate lifestyle and I really don’t mind. I’ve almost forgotten what it’s like to be in relationship at this point and as it turns out, this lifestyle suits me.

  1. The majority of my pics on Instagram are either of me or my cat. You know a girl’s single when her Instagram is literally littered with selfies with just a couple group shots of friends and maybe some trees. Oh, and cats. All of my attached friends have about 1/3 selfies, 1/3 of their partner and then 1/3 of the two of them licking the same ice cream cone or whatever. They say that art imitates life and my Instagram is a perfect representation of how extremely single I am.
  2. People have stopped asking me why I’m single. You know when you end a relationship and then a few months go by and people start asking you why you haven’t found someone new yet? Well, my friends already know that I spend the majority of my life single so they don’t even ask. They already assume I probably won’t have another boyfriend for another year or two.
  3. I make time for my vibrator. When you’re not getting sex on a consistent basis, you need to make sure you’re taking care of things, if you know what I mean. Otherwise, you’ll get cranky.
  4. I’m totally up to date on the latest Netflix shows. Seriously, ask me anything about any show on Netflix—I’ve watched them all. There are often nights when no one’s available to hang because they’re either chilling with their partners or going on a date or something, so I’ve taken it upon myself to blast through as many Netflix shows as possible. At least I’ll know the who’s who and what’s what of the TV universe. Small talk has also become a breeze for me for this reason.
  5. Online dating is no big deal for me. At this point, going on a date is like walking the dog or going to the laundromat. It feels like something I have to do, not necessarily something I want to do. I’ve gotten so comfortable in my single life that the guys I come across on dating apps are all just kinda “meh” to me. It’s rare that I ever want a second date. I swear my standards have almost doubled since I’ve been single for as long as I’ve been.
  6. My friends have stopped setting me up. When I was fresh out of my last relationship, my friends were SO excited to set me up with their single friends. Now, I feel like the novelty has worn off. I almost feel like a new puppy that everyone was so excited about at first but now I’m like a fully grown Labrador who’s not allowed on the furniture anymore. It’s honestly not as sad as I’m making it sound, but I kinda get the impression that they already know it probably won’t go anywhere, so why even bother setting me up and potentially disappointing their friend?
  7. I haven’t cleaned my room in months. When I’m in a relationship, I make sure my room and apartment are clean for when my partner sleeps over. Right now though, there’s a pile of clothes on my bed, a towel, and a mug with some coffee still in it on the bedside table. I have no one to impress. My bedroom has become solely my space and honestly, I kinda like it that way.
  8. My friends assume I’ll be showing up to events alone. It’s hilarious, actually. No one even asks if I’m bringing someone to an event—they already know that I’m probably going to show up alone and it’s by choice. Don’t get me wrong, I have options but more often than not, I don’t want to take them. I really like the idea of only having to worry about myself and besides, I won’t get to flirt with cute strangers if I bring someone with me.
  9. I spend every Sunday hung over. Unlike my coupled up friends, weekends are not for getaways, staycations, or brunch—they’re for partying like it’s 1999, which is probably the last time I even had a boyfriend. Kidding… but seriously. My idea of a good time isn’t going to the bookshop with my lover on a Sunday morning, it’s dancing until 3 am, seeing the sun rise and spending my Sunday recuperating and eating lots of fatty food. I told you, being single is a lifestyle and it’s pretty awesome.
  10. I’ve become a sounding board for my friends to complain about their relationships. I don’t really care about relationship drama, mainly because I’m not in one. My friends are fully aware of this and know that I don’t judge them or give them unsolicited advice about their relationship issues, making me a prime target for their complaints. I just kinda sit there and nod my head and they freaking LOVE it. I don’t really mind either way. Hearing about all this crazy, stressful drama makes me kinda happy I’m on my own.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.
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