I Know I Have To Try If I Want To Find Love But Dating Is Just So Exhausting

I’m stuck in a conundrum: I want love, but I don’t want to work for it. I only have so much energy, and right now the rest of my life requires all of it. What’s a girl to do? I suppose it’s too much to ask for my special unicorn to drop out of the sky, but this is why I just can’t deal with the dating game:

  1. I don’t know how to meet men naturally. Like, seriously, where do I do it? It was so much easier when I was younger. I refuse to date at work, and I don’t really go out anymore. There aren’t a plethora of single straight men at my yoga studio ,and it seems like everywhere I go, men are with their girlfriends. I’m really desperate for some sort of meet-cute at the farmer’s market right now.
  2. Online dating takes up too much time. I’ve tried it out of desperation, but it’s such a time suck. I have tons to do, and dating apps just take away from all that. Plus, I rarely meet anyone decent. If anything, they just want to chat online for days. I don’t have time for that. Either meet up with me or leave me alone. It’s been so fruitless that I just ended up deleting all the sites.
  3. When I meet someone online, we hardly ever even make it to a date. I don’t understand why a man wants to talk to me and never follow through. It’s a dating site, so let’s date. No, I don’t want to “hang out” or “chill” — I’m not in high school. Take me on a date or stop wasting my time. I don’t have energy to chat you up for weeks and then have it just fizzle out.
  4. Blind dates are usually a waste of time. I mean, let’s be realistic here — a date with someone I’ve never met or maybe never even seen a picture of before? Unless we’re set up by a friend I really trust, it’s not likely the two of us will have chemistry. Even worse, I might end up really pissed off at that friend for setting me up with someone so very wrong for me. No thanks. I’d rather spend my night doing something else.
  5. I don’t have a ton of free evenings to spend dating. I have a very non-traditional schedule, which means that I work at night and on the weekends a lot. I’m somewhat flexible, but generally my hours are opposite those of the men I meet. When I do have a free evening, it’s difficult to convince myself to spend it on a date. I have friends to see and events to attend. I can’t fit it all in.
  6. Getting to know someone new takes a lot of energy. It’s a lot of work learning all about a new guy only to realize that there’s no chemistry or we have nothing in common. That unfortunately is the majority of time spent dating: figuring out you don’t actually want to date someone at all. I have no patience for it, and that’s why I’ve always dated guys who I just got to know naturally. I’m not meeting anyone, and I don’t know what to do.
  7. I can’t fit one more element into my busy life. It’s sad but true. No matter how much I want to date someone, I can’t do it without sacrificing something else important to me. At this point in my life, I’m just not willing to do that. I’m getting too old to do it all and I’m too focused on my goals to give them up. My internal struggle between the desire to find love and the knowledge that I don’t have time never ends.
  8. I hate spending precious time on something that might never go anywhere. It’s too bad that I can’t get some sort of prediction of how things will go with a man, because then I might actually try. If I could somehow know in advance that he’s my all-time dream lover, life would be so much more convenient. I need to figure out how to predict that sort of thing — I would be so rich.
  9. Dating can be expensive. I’m not the kind of girl who’s comfortable being paid for all the time. I can deal with it for the first couple of dates, but eventually I’m going to insist on making a contribution. It doesn’t matter how much less I make than a guy. It’s a pride thing. The problem is that my pride means that I pay for stuff I can’t afford, so it’s easier not to date at all.
  10. I have less and less energy to expend on non-essentials as I get older. Some would argue that love and romance is essential, but I haven’t found that to be the case. Hopefully that would change in the right relationship, but as of now all that dating does for me is distract me and keep me from what I need to get done. I have yet to meet the guy who provides me with the right balance of support and autonomy. I can’t deal with the stress of another person’s needs.
  11. Quite frankly, I’d rather get a good night’s sleep than go out. I fully embrace the fact that I have become an old lady and I relish my sleep above almost everything. If it comes down to going on a date versus getting a great night’s rest in my seriously comfortable bed, I’ll pick the latter. That’s just the way it is now. I’m older and have different priorities than before.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.
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