When your heart is broken, the last thing you want to hear is someone spouting off cliche advice on how it’ll get better with time and there are other fish in the sea. As much as you want to throw yourself a pity party and convince yourself that love just isn’t for you, don’t. Breakups suck for everyone, but there is a way to heal from them and move on without any regrets.
- At First, Just Go Ahead And Feel That Regret. When I got my heart smashed by a guy I had developed much deeper feelings for, the first thing I wanted to do was crawl under the covers and cry without ever leaving my room again. Some might say that it’s not a good idea to wallow and let your feelings eat you up from the inside, but like with any loss, you have to give yourself time to feel that feeling and work through it before you can let it go. So sit with your regret, medicate it with treats without going overboard. Get it out of your system first.
- Remember You Were Still Part Of Something Great. After feeling that regret and realizing that no amount of pushing was ever going to get him back as a boyfriend, I found it in me to let go, knowing it would drive me nuts otherwise. Then I decided that one of the best things I could take away from this situation was how happy I had been with him at the time, and even though I couldn’t have that with him again, I found that I was glad I’d had something so wonderful in the first place. It’s hard work to get to that place, but it’s worth it.
- Appreciate the opportunity to have loved, even if you lost it in the end. Another thing I realized I could take away from it was the experience itself. Suffering like this usually leads to wisdom, and in the world of love, being a little wiser goes a long way for future relationships. It’s not easy to feel grateful for pain, but doing so will heal your heart.
- Become better Prepared For Another Round. Apart from the experience in and of itself, having it also changed how I approached dating once I felt up to doing it again. I was a little more guarded in my feelings, but not entirely cold and closed up either. I hate to put what I had with my ex in terms of practice, so thinking about it more as a stepping stone feels like a better way to put it. I was one relationship closer to finding the one I was meant to be with, knowing what I knew from being with this guy beforehand. I wasn’t as much of a naivete about how love could work. If you use your experience a learning opportunity, not only will you move forward without regret but you’ll be that much smarter in your next relationship.
- Know that you Can Still Love Again. Of course, I didn’t wanna hear anybody tell me that there’s other fish in the sea, but I at least had to be willing to tell myself that. If I could love like that even the once, I could love like that again.
- Stay open to being friends again one day. One of the tougher things of a breakup is when you were friends with your partner as well as being part of a couple. You have to learn how to be friends again if you share a social circle and that can be awkward — that was the position I was in. In actuality, the fact that we managed to stay friends (after taking some time from each other to sort things out) made it easier to accept that we were better off that way.
- Consider The Boost In Self-Confidence. The fact that you could take a knock to the heart like that and survive should increase your confidence in yourself as a person. It did for me. What he and I had felt had been genuine love before things got so it couldn’t work out between us, and being that we could still be friends, it wasn’t as if we didn’t still care about each other. Knowing that I had been loved and could be loved helped me keep on loving myself.
- Be grateful it ended before it got worse. When I was able to find love again with someone else, it made me happier that not only had I found someone again, but it also made me feel better about my breakup beforehand. It affirmed that it wasn’t meant to be between us, and that if we’d tried to make it work past when it wasn’t anymore, I’d have been far more unhappy, and the breakdown of the relationship would’ve been far harder to take, and it’s more than likely that we probably wouldn’t have been able to even manage to stay friends like we were otherwise able to do.
- Get to know Yourself A Little Better. Even though I’d resolved that I wasn’t unlovable, it did make me do more self-examination. Not that I shouldn’t continue to just be myself, but what I had with this guy did inform me better on what mechanics may or may not work as well as I’d thought in my previous relationship, and where I could improve, knowing that what works for some doesn’t always work for others. Taking that time to really dig deep into who you are and what makes you tick will serve you well in the future.
