My newly married ex-boyfriend should be enjoying the honeymoon phase of his recent marriage. Instead, he’s decided his time is better spent harassing me at all hours of the night via text. I have to admit, I was surprised they got married at all — after all, he did cheat on her with me while she was out of the country, but she ended up forgiving him. They got engaged soon after and got pregnant on their honeymoon. On the outside, their little family is picture perfect, but my phone history tells a different story.
I’ve asked him to stop countless times. I’ve been happily taken for some time now and my married ex is fully aware. Regardless of that fact, I have my limits. I may have been the other woman when he and his now-wife were dating, but I’d never consider looking twice at a married man. Just months after his wedding day, the texts began to roll in at odd hours of the night. I’ve repeatedly asked him to stop, but the texts aren’t actually damning enough to expose him for the piece of sh*t he really is.
I feel guilty even though I’m doing nothing wrong. I’ve long since forgiven myself for being the counterpart in his infidelity, but I can’t help but wish I’d never hooked up with him in the first place. In his mind, I’m solidified as the type of girl that doesn’t mind being the other woman, and frankly, it makes me feel gross. I hate that I’m the person he thinks about when he’s out at a bar three beers deep with his buddies.
He’s done this before, but I thought marriage would change things. My ex left me alone for a while after he admitted to his then-girlfriend that he had been unfaithful. Everything changed when he got word that I was in a relationship with someone new. Suddenly, I was interesting again and the secretly saucy texts started up. After he got engaged, I thought it would stop, but every few months I’d wake up to another text message.
I worry about the vibes I’m giving off. I know I’m probably being paranoid here, but I have to wonder why he thinks I’d even want to receive text messages like the ones he sends at 2 a.m.? Even when we were sneaking around, our relationship was surprisingly normal and not terribly exciting. I really thought he was going to leave his girlfriend for me, and when he didn’t, I bounced. I’ve grown up a lot since then and it irks me that he still treats me like the naive young woman I once was.
I don’t know if I should confront his wife. I’m sure his wife wouldn’t be very pleased to know her husband and father of her child is texting the woman he cheated on her with. There’s a part of me that would delight in throwing him under the bus, but a bigger part of me is horrified at the prospect of ruining their marriage.
My guy is understandably uncomfortable. My boyfriend has always accepted me for who I am, an imperfect person with an imperfect past, and I love him for that. I’ve been honest with him from the beginning about my dilemma and he’s taken it in stride, but I know it bothers him that a married man continues to text me in the middle of the night.
I want to know what his end game is. I know I should block his number, but there’s a part of me that can’t fight the curiosity. Does he actually think I’ll hook up with him again? Will he eventually tell me why the hell it is he texts me at all hours of the night? Is he unhappy with the huge life choices he’s made and he feels guilty about the way things have turned out? I’d get a sick satisfaction out of hearing he regrets the decisions he made, I can’t lie.
I’m worried he’ll take it a step too far. I never respond to the texts and I don’t intend to. At first, I’d ask him to stop, but now I just delete them and hope he’ll get sick of me over time. Sometimes I do wonder if he’ll take things to another level after he gets frustrated with my non-responsiveness. I’ve never been particularly afraid of him, but his persistence freaks me out sometimes.
This situation has been an interesting dose of reality. When I was a little girl, I had a romanticized idea of marriage and what it meant. I thought getting married was a way of symbolically putting on a pair of blinders that would shut temptation out. Marriage meant that I’d adopt tunnel vision between me and the man I loved, no one else. I know now that marriage is what the individual makes of it. I believe marriage is an exciting new chapter, but I also know it’s not an opportunity to wipe the slate clean.
Single scumbags are the same as married ones. If getting a little older, marrying a nice woman, and becoming a father didn’t make my ex grow the hell up, nothing will. Maybe after he loses it all due to his immature behavior, he’ll finally get a few grey hairs.
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