Falling in love is a great experience the first few times, but after a while, it’s more anxiety-inducing than exciting, especially when I know that it more often than not, it doesn’t end well. I still really enjoy the high I get when I fall for someone these days, but I no longer want to be the person who loves more. Here’s why:
- Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I’ve had plenty of relationships over the years and at this point, the novelty has worn off. I now have more realistic expectations of love since I know that it’s not as great, eternal or unique as films or novels make it out to be. I’ve put too much stock into that initial thrill before and it wasn’t reciprocated in the end — at least not at the level it needed to be to last. Because of this, I still allow myself to feel the things I naturally feel for a guy, but I’ve been around the block one too many times to go all-in right off the bat — I want HIM to do that, for once.
- The biggest high comes from knowing he’s into me. I’m at an age when I can’t have feelings for someone that has none for me. If I see that there’s no reciprocation, I lose interest. That doesn’t mean that I seek a guy’s attention when I don’t have feelings for him myself, but when I know that he’s my type, I need him to pursue me twice as much as I do him to keep me interested. If he wants to play games, disappear for days or ignore my texts, I won’t try to make excuses for him. He’s just not interested, so neither am I.
- I have no energy for something that exists in fantasy land. I just don’t have it in me to fall head over heels for someone 100 percent when he’s only prepared to give me 50 percent in return. It requires so much of my mental and emotional reserves and frankly, I have better things to do with my time and energy. I know by now that giving away my heart to a guy who doesn’t feel the same way comes with a price. It may sound a bit cheesy, but I’m saving my love for someone who really deserves it.
- I know my worth and I need him to know it too. I know I have a lot to give, but if the guy I’m dating can’t see how great I am, what’s the point letting myself have feelings for him? Obviously I’m not perfect and I definitely have my quirks and imperfections, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a serious catch. It’s time I start being with guys who recognize and appreciate that from the get-go.
- I need someone to play my usual role for once. I’m a hopeless romantic and an all or nothing type of gal. Up until now, I couldn’t KINDA like someone — I either fell for him hard or not at all. No wonder that I kept falling for the wrong guys, only to realize one day that the feelings weren’t mutual as I’d imagined they were. Let’s be honest — there’s always one person in every relationship that has more feelings than the other. I no longer want that person to be me.
- I can see through men more easily than I used to. I no longer put anyone on a pedestal. A guy may be smart, charming and sexy AF, but that doesn’t mean he’s perfect or that he’s better than me. Having dated many different types of guys means that I can now see the red flags, but it also means that I’ve learned to appreciate things like basic kindness, humility, and generosity. A guy that doesn’t have those qualities isn’t good enough for me.
- The older I grow, the more emotional needs I have. When I was younger, it felt amazing to fall head over heels euphoric for a guy. These days, I need more than a rush of hormones to keep me interested and fulfilled. I need to see and feel that a guy is crazy about me totally and completely and that he’s willing to put in the work to have a real relationship with me. Otherwise, what’s the point? Casual isn’t my thing.
- It’s amazing to be loved intensely and I deserve that. It’s an incredible feeling to be truly loved by someone. I want to be with a guy who wants to be there for me, take care of me when I’m home sick, buy me flowers when I’m down, or surprise me just to see a smile on my face. I want to feel loved and secure, not my stomach turned into knots because some guy who I thought I was seeing has ghosted me.
