No, You Can’t Sleep Over After Sex — Here’s Why

They say if a guy doesn’t spend the night after sex, he’s just not that into you, but I couldn’t care less if you immediately grab your things and head out the door the second our night of fun comes to an end. As a matter of fact, I actually prefer it. Here’s why you shouldn’t make yourself comfy and try sleeping over at my place after sex:

I Need My Space. When we’re finished, I really enjoy having some space. I don’t need you hanging around afterward and trying to force a conversation out of me. Post-sex is my time to reflect, and I can’t do that if you’re sticking around, so feel free to head home.

I’m Not Ready to Open Up. Everyone thinks post-sex is the perfect time to open up and share their deepest darkest secrets, but I’m just not ready to do all of that with you. Pillow talk isn’t something I require to feel closer to someone after sharing an intimate moment. Grab your things and head on out the door. We can always catch up with each other tomorrow.

We’re Not That Serious. If we’re not in a serious relationship then there’s really no need for you to stay over. Inviting someone into my home overnight is a privilege, and it’s something that’s only reserved for guys I’m in a relationship with. Sorry, we’re just not at that point yet.

There’s Too Much Pressure to Look Perfect While I Sleep. Of course, I want to look my best around you at all times, but bedtime is when I feel the most vulnerable. My makeup is wiped clean, my hair is a mess, and I’m usually wearing a tattered t-shirt and a pair of holey boyshorts. I don’t want to feel forced to make myself look presentable just because you’re spending the night. So instead of making sure my hair is perfectly styled, sleeping with makeup on, and wearing my sexiest PJs, how about you just go home instead?

I Hate Post-Sex Awkwardness. There’s always a bit of awkwardness after some fun in the sheets. I don’t want to make small talk and feel uncomfortable at the same time. Until we’re at the point where we’re completely at ease with each other, let’s just do ourselves a favor and end the night early. Sound good?

I Need My beauty sleep. If you stay the night, it’s a given that I won’t get enough rest, and dammit, I need those eight hours! It’s always a bit uncomfy when there’s someone sleeping beside me. I’m petrified that my snoring might wake you up, or even worse, that I let some ungodly bodily function escape while I’m deep in slumber. To save me from the embarrassment, just go home already.

Cuddling Isn’t Mandatory. You probably think most girls love to cuddle all night long after sex, but I’m not one of those girls. Cuddling is a great concept in theory, but in reality, it kinda sucks. There’s no way I can sleep comfortably if you have me wrapped up in a headlock all night long. And don’t even get me started on how hot and sweaty cuddling can get.

Don’t Feel Obligated to Stay. It’s always a nerve-racking situation when the night comes to an end. I know you probably want to head home, but you think staying is the right thing to do. I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. And don’t worry, I won’t fee like a booty call or a hit it and quit it situation. So thanks for the good time, but you’re free to go.

Morning Sex Is Out of the Question. I have a ton of things to do in the morning, and morning sex isn’t one of them. If you’re hoping you’ll get to enjoy round two of sex before you head off to work, you’re going to be disappointed. I always wake up late and I’m constantly in a rush to get out the door. You really think I want to wake up 30 minutes early just to play with your morning wood? Ain’t happenin’.

I’m Not Sure If Things Will Work Out. Until I’m positive that things between the two of us will work out, sleeping over isn’t on the agenda. Sleeping over means you’ll take up all the covers in my bed, keep me up with your constant sleep talking, and you’ll hog the bathroom in the morning. If we’re not even sure where things are going, let’s just play it cool and casual for now. Who knows — I might let you crash at my place sometime in the near future. For now, your Uber awaits you.

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