If He’s Not Doing These 11 Things In Bed, He Needs To Grow Up

There are no limits to how great sex can be if you’re doing it with an engaged, thoughtful partner. Although women’s bodies are complex and take some serious finessing, a grown man will work to unravel your sexual fantasies and figure out what drives you crazy in the best possible way. In fact, if he’s not doing these 11 things when you sleep together, he needs to grow the hell up:

  1. Inviting you to stay the night. Sex with a grown man requires the knowledge that you’re both consenting adults. After a night of fun and intimacy, he’s not kicking you out and pretending he has somewhere to go. He wants you to feel comfortable while you’re there so you’ll be willing to come back. Embarrassment and regret don’t exist in his kingdom; he’s pleased with your presence since you could’ve been anywhere else. You can’t relate to those tales about the walk of shame because with him you’re walking out just like you walked in — a true badass.
  2. Foreplay (without having to be asked). He knows it exists and that it’s a requirement for you to get in the mood. He doesn’t discard your needs and make you feel like an annoyance for having them. In fact, he enjoys getting you revved up; it’s his personal mission to turn you on and he does it well. He doesn’t rush it to get to the main event; he’s all about taking his time to make sure you’re both on the edge before pushing things forward.
  3. Giving as much as he takes. Grown men understand that sex is a two-way street; they’re selfless when it comes to pleasuring you and treat it like a team sport. Your guy wants your body to trust him and know that it’s going to get taken care of. He’s not a “wham, bam, thank you, ma’am” kind of guy; he wants to be crowned the best you’ve ever had and he’ll put in the work to earn the title.
  4. Making sure you never have to fake it. Every woman knows this tale; you’ll say any and everything to get it over with because it’s just not working. It’s BS, really, but we’ve all done it. With a grown man, however, you have an open door policy that allows you to be vocal about your likes and dislikes. He won’t take offense to your dissatisfaction; instead, he’ll be hungry to prove you wrong.
  5. Making your flaws feel sexy. Grown men don’t sweat the small things like jiggles, dimples, or scars, so why should you? They’re so appreciative to be with you that those little insecurities don’t even exist. To this guy, that’s what makes you sexy — and even though you need a bit more time to believe this yourself, you eventually will. He’s determined to make you see yourself the way he sees you.
  6. Encouraging you (but never pressuring you) to try new things with him. A grown man only deserves the best: he’s way too in tune with your needs to not return the favor. This desire to please him comes from the fact that he’s doing his job well and you want to reward him for all his hard work. Whether it’s wearing his favorite fragrance, learning a new trick, or wearing something racy, you never want him to forget his experience with you.
  7. Spending quality time with you outside of the bedroom too. There’s a thin line between friends with benefits and situationships. Because the body and feelings are intertwining, a grown man knows how to balance the scales so you don’t have to. He understands that you’re an amazing woman and what you’re giving him is really special so it shouldn’t be taken for granted. Even though these extra perks are not required and you don’t ask, he genuinely likes having fun with you, whether it’s to grab lunch or to meet up for a drink after work. His goal is to keep you feeling like the goddess you are. After all, he has something to lose too.
  8. Never expecting perfection. Grown men don’t compare your skills to their fantasies; they know there will be days you don’t shave your legs or feel like giving blow jobs. This doesn’t turn them away, so there’s no need to feel guilty about it. Adult stars are real, but sex is their profession, so living up to their talents is unrealistic and grown men won’t hold that against you or make you feel uncomfortable.
  9. Making every experience mind-blowing. Once you’ve had sex with a mature man, you’re never going back to the little boys. Not only have your legs reached a new high but so have your standards. Your sexual appetite is so exclusive to the BS; who and what you entertain are determined by your wants, needs, and how he juggles the two.
  10. Keeping your sex life private. The sexiest thing about sex is that the act is exclusive. One massive difference between a man and a young man is the privacy factor.  This rule doesn’t break if you’re upset with each other, when one finds someone else, or when he’s around the guys. He understands that your reputation is much more fragile than his and it shouldn’t be ruined by someone you trusted.
  11. Picking the phone and calling you. This isn’t to confuse what you have in a relationship, a grown man just makes the effort to keep what he has. After a round of sex, he isn’t going to pull the no-contact or silent treatment game. He isn’t going to wait until you reach out to him; he knows that you’re in control of your next encounter so he’ll be playing his cards right. Your conversations aren’t limited to dry texts; he’ll pick up the phone and use his words to get his message across. Great sex doesn’t just start and end in the bed; it’s about the maturity of person you share it with.
Bolde has been a source of dating and relationship advice for single women around the world since 2014. We combine scientific data, experiential wisdom, and personal anecdotes to provide help and encouragement to those frustrated by the journey to find love. Follow us on Instagram @bolde_media or on Facebook @BoldeMedia
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