I was so in love with him I didn’t actually stop to look at our relationship… until my mother asked me if I was really happy and I realized I wasn’t. Here are some signs I ignored for way too long that the guy who’d just given me a promise ring was not the one I wanted to marry.
- He hated spending time with his family. Loads of people have family issues, and some family members are best enjoyed in small doses, but this guy was just anti-family in general. I couldn’t see him building a family of his own in future, which ruled out the option of having kids with him.
- He didn’t support me. He pretended to be supportive of my career, but then he’d be a total jackass in small ways. For instance, he’d always find ways to be the guy who knew better and gave me advice “for my own good.” No, he was just a jerk.
- He found small ways to bring me down. It was done in such a subtle way, but it hurt. I remember he made more money than I did at the time and he’d always find ways to slot that into conversation, as though it stroked his ego to do so. Once, we went to dinner and I suggested paying for it. He laughed in my face. WTF?
- He wanted to DIY me. He started finding ways to make me more of the kind of girlfriend he expected. For instance, he wanted me to find a job that earned more money and he wanted me to accept only seeing him once a week. There was always something he wanted to change about me, like who I was wasn’t good enough. It was really messed up up.
- We had different ideas about where to live. He wanted to live in a one-horse town that made me think of retirement villages and dentures. I wanted to live in the bustling city that he couldn’t wait to get out of. It was clear our future goals were very different and where we wanted to live was just the tip of the iceberg.
- I gave off unhappy vibes. I thought since I was in love, I’d be radiating light and joy. Um, no. My friends and family could actually see that I wasn’t really happy. Maybe they could tell that I was exhausted or just going along with the relationship that wasn’t actually making me zing with excitement. Hearing them tell me I didn’t look happy was a huge eye-opener.
- He was jealous of my success. I was so proud of him when he achieved something great at work, but when the tables were turned and I accomplished something, he was jealous of me and once admitted it. Whenever people congratulated me for something, he’d get all moody. Hell, I don’t need my own partner to turn against me!
- I couldn’t trust him. Our relationship ended because he cheated on me, but honestly, there were months and months before that incident when he wasn’t straying but during which I just felt something was “off.” I don’t know why, but I felt I couldn’t trust him even when he was the perfectly faithful guy. That should have been enough to tell me he wasn’t right for me.
- He had anger issues. Although he was a charming soul, he was hiding a horrible temper that came out a few times. I never got to see it firsthand but I’d heard about it from mutual friends, and it was ugly. He was quick to become aggressive with people, which totally put me off. What a loser! I don’t need that kind of drama in my life.
- He was stuck in his ways. He’d achieved so much in his life and was happy with where he was to the point where he wasn’t really keen on change. As in, any change. He never compromised, such as by doing things I wanted to do, and yet expected me to compromise for him. I don’t see how this could have worked in the long run.
- The sex went south. We’d had a good sex life, but then suddenly, it started to feel like too much of a routine. Sometimes, I even felt like I wasn’t there — maybe he was imagining someone else in the bed with him or just going through the motions. It made me feel sick. I didn’t want a lack of passion in my relationship.
- I didn’t feel inspired. I wanted my forever relationship to be one that made me feel inspired to be the best I could be and energized about life. This guy was bringing me down, trying to change me and making me feel a lack of energy. It was so messed up and I’m so glad I noticed what was happening so I could GTFO, get rid of that BS promise ring he’d given me, and find the real love I deserved.
