Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been told that I should be nice to everyone I meet. While kindness is definitely in short supply and I offer it to strangers and friends, there are times when being too conciliatory led to me getting walked all over, especially in relationships. I wasted time giving chances to the wrong guys and putting up with things no woman should never have to. In fact, I actually regret being nice to these 10 guys instead of standing up for myself:
- The guy who called whenever he felt like it, but was never available when I called him. Back in the day when texting wasn’t really as common and there was no such thing as social media, guys could disappear for days or even weeks and they always had an excuse that you couldn’t really challenge. I bought those excuses hook, line, and sinker. I was naive AF and was taken advantage of because of it. A guy who wants to stay in touch would rather send pigeon post than let you think he’s not interested. Never again.
- The guy who made it feel like it was my job to make things happen. We live in a modern and equal society, but it still takes two to tango. A guy that keeps suggesting that I’m the one in charge of taking things to the next level is either secretly married, sexually confused, or simply not into me. Simple as that. It’s a must for a guy to respect my boundaries and the fact that I might want to go at a slow pace, but I’m not putting up with dudes who use this as an excuse for laziness.
- The guy who flirted with other women in nightclubs. I once dated a guy who, while we were out clubbing, joined his friends who were flirting with a group of women. I wish I hadn’t told myself it wasn’t a big deal considering the circumstances. It was a huge deal because it just showed my date didn’t respect me or himself. Screw that.
- The guy who brought his ex on the first date. My good manners were once the reason I spent two long and gruesome hours on a Christmas Eve with a guy that brought his ex on our first date. Apparently, they’d become “good friends” after ending their relationship and she wanted to meet me. I wish had just found an excuse — any excuse — and run for the hills as soon as I saw them approaching.
- The guy who never included me in his social life. There are guys whose friends you immediately meet and others who need their time before really bringing you into the fold. However, dating a guy who told me regularly about the plans he had with his friends but never invited me along was clearly playing games or wasn’t interested. We were already hanging out that night, so why would he want to go and meet his friends alone later every time? Ugh, what a jerk.
- The guy who never made plans with me. It seems like some guys are out there just to waste my time. I used to talk to a guy (really, there is no other description for what we did) constantly. He texted me, liked all my Facebook pics, even called regularly to ask me how things were going… and yet, he never wanted to see me in person. The longer I was nice to him, the more I allowed him to waste my time and distract me from things that really mattered.
- The guy who was rude or condescending because he was successful and had money. You know the type. I went out on a date with him and he thought he was so superior and that it was his duty to brag and boast about himself all night long to the point that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. No bank account or professional title can make up for a lack of basic manners and courtesy. He didn’t understand that and shouldn’t have even been dating in the first place. Ugh.
- The guy who acted like he was single when he wasn’t. This guy talked and acted like he was single — especially since he was trying to sweet talk me — but when I happened to ask him at some point during our conversation about his relationship status, surprise surprise, he was in a weird kinda-sorta-relationship situation. WTF? No thanks.
- The guy who was cheap AF. I used to think that lack of chivalry is too sensitive of a topic to bring up during a date, but after meeting a couple of serious cheapskates, I wish I’d said something sooner — something along the lines of, “If you paid $300 for wine last night with your friends, taking your girlfriend out for a $20 dinner shouldn’t be a big deal.”
- The guy who sent constant mixed signals. Even though he was sending along strong “I like you” vibes, he backed off as soon as I responded in kind and acted like we were just friends and that I was crazy for expecting more. Then, as soon as I backed away, he jumped back in all over again. He started to make me feel like I was going crazy and couldn’t trust my gut, and I put up with it for way too long.
