Being single on most days is a total delight. I love being single and all it brings, but there are some days when I’m really down on myself for not being partnered up. On those sad days when I can’t remember why I was happy with being alone, I remind myself of these 10 things:
- It’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. I’ve had way too many experiences of being with the wrong person. I made all sorts of wild justifications for their unacceptable behavior and I acted toxic or codependent myself. Now when I see that I’m choosing to be alone instead of being with someone who isn’t a good match, I pat myself on the back. It’s far healthier to be all by myself than with someone who isn’t for me.
- I’ve had plenty of opportunities to date, I just refuse to settle for someone who isn’t a fit. It’d be one thing if no single person had shown interest in me in years — then I’d probably really be afraid — but that’s not the case. Instead, people have regularly shown interest in me, I’ve just decided they aren’t the right people. It’s not that these people are “less than” me, it’s just that they’re not what I’m looking for in a partnership. I feel a huge amount of self-respect and dignity when I walk away from opportunity even when I’m alone. I remind myself of my strength doing this on those hard days.
- My gal pals are a phone call or a text away. When that feeling of being utterly alone starts to creep in, I quickly remind myself that I have tons of friends who love me dearly. Rather than wallowing in loneliness, I pick up the phone to call a gal pal I know will be able to give me a quick pick-me-up. Sometimes I also simply text “S.O.S. thinking of an ex” to get out of my head. Lady friends always come in handy to quell my loneliness.
- I’m doing some hard emotional work while I’m alone. It’d be one thing if I was in perpetual post-breakup mode, sitting around feeling sorry for myself, but that’s not what’s happening. Instead, I’m doing deep emotional digging to better myself. I’m learning about my quirks, patterns, and those behaviors that really aren’t serving me. On days where I feel sorry for being single, I remind myself that I’m investing some serious time and energy into bettering myself. It’ll pay off in the future whether I’m single or coupled.
- Self-care is my partner. On days that feel ridiculously hard to trudge through, I amp up my self-care. I tell myself that I’m incredibly deserving of pampering, love, and care. I treat self-care as if it were the best partner in the world. I make myself decadent meals, get a massage, do my hobbies, clean up my space, or get out in nature. Treating myself like the princess I am never ceases to bring contentment back into my life.
- I’m good enough, lovable, and worthy. Too often, when I’m upset about being single, I start to have all these intrusive thoughts about how I’m not good enough. I combat those negative messages with positive mantras and therapeutic thought-challenging. I remind myself that my worth is innate, I’m completely lovable, and I’m good enough no matter what I do. Reminding myself of these things brings me back down to reality and out of living in the chaos in my mind.
- I’m a total babe. Another slew of negative self-talk that arises on my bad days are thoughts that tell me I’m ugly, gross, fat, you name it. My mind tries to beat me down on the hard days. Instead of letting those toxic thoughts take me down, I just look in the mirror. I remind myself that I’m a total babe. I’m gorgeous and my body is wonderful just as it is. Sometimes I’ll even get dressed up and post selfies on Instagram for an extra confidence boost!
- Being the right person is more important than finding the right person. When I get all upset some days about how I’m going to be forever alone, I try to pause and remind myself that seeking another person isn’t my job right now. My job is to work on being the best person I can possibly be. In doing this, I turn into the right person for my match rather than shooting in the dark attempting to find my mate.
- I trust the process of dating and life. I have a ton of faith in everything in life. It’s been my experience that most beautiful occurrences have not happened from me running at them head-on. They’ve happened from me listening to the gentle voice inside me that guides me to the next right thing. Rather than frantically swiping through dating sites, I’m learning to trust the process of finding a match. I’m stepping back to let the universe do its job. I think it has a better idea of what’s good for me.
- It’s just not my time yet. If I want a job that’s a match, I can go out and get one for the most part. Dating doesn’t quite work like that. I can put all of the energy I have into it (and I’ve done this), but I can still come out empty-handed. There’s an element of fate needing to do its work. On days when I am self-pitying for still being alone, I remind myself that the universe does have someone waiting for me, today just isn’t the day we’re brought together. Am I going to continue to pout or will I choose to live my life anyways? I think I’ll take the latter.
