It’s not always easy to tell when a guy is a genuinely good person and when he’s just another jerk. Even if he seems perfect at first, these are signs that he’s just another waste of your time:
- He becomes someone different in public. He claims to hate drinking, but when he’s with his buddies at the bar, he can easily down six beers in a sitting. WTF? This guy has a serious need to be liked, so he wears a lot of masks. When you confront him on his weird behavior, he might write it off as being sociable, but he’s just an insecure liar.
- He talks about how great he is. He might say that he’s a kind person or a nice guy. Why does he have to say it out loud? If he were truly that awesome, his actions would be enough to prove it.
- His “jokes” are mean. He says you’re overreacting by getting mad when he calls you names or mocks you, writing off his nasty comments as jokes. But if it feels like he’s being a jerk and not actually messing around, then your gut instinct is probably right.
- He hangs out with douchebags. If he were a good guy, he’d be repelled by guys who were arrogant and childish. Instead, they’re his bros. He enjoys being around them on some level, and it’s probably because he can relate to them.
- You find yourself excusing his behavior. When you and your boyfriend are out in public, you sometimes have to excuse how he behaves, like if he’s being rude to the waiter or a bit too friendly with your girlfriends. You might later explain to your friends that he’s really a nice guy once they get to know him, but be real: you wouldn’t need to market him as a great guy if he really was one.
- He’s “mysterious”. You might think that when he doesn’t tell you where he’s been or invite you out with his friends that it just means he’s mysterious, but it’s really about him trying to keep you at a distance. He’s not eager to commit to you, so he’s keeping you at an arm’s length so he can have you around when he wants you without allowing you to get TOO close to him.
- He was nicer during the chase. When the guy was pursuing you, he was so much nicer to you. He respected you, acknowledged your opinions and was a stand-up human being. Now that you’re in a relationship, he’s slacked off. It’s like he thinks he doesn’t have to make an effort anymore because he has you locked down into a relationship.
- He reminds you why he’s a great boyfriend. When you argue with him over something he’s done, he’ll try to point out all the good things he’s done instead of taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might remind you how he surprised you with tickets to your favorite show or how he always tells you he loves you. It’s a clever way to guilt you into letting him get his way.
- He wants you to keep him in check. He might tell you that he has the tendency to flirt too much or get out of hand when he drinks. You might think this is sweet of him, but it’s really a clever game. By putting it on you to keep him in line, he doesn’t have to worry about being a great boyfriend. He can just be himself and you can be the bad guy later when he doesn’t take responsibility for how his actions affect you.
- He’s too familiar with your family. Since meeting your family, your guy has been way too comfortable around them. He attends get-togethers when he’s drunk, acts like their best friend, and offers TMI about his life when dominating the conversation. He thinks he’s charming, but he’s arrogant AF.
