I’ve always been quite a hopeless romantic, but I’ve never had success in love with my method of tackling the search as hard as I can. Nonetheless, I still find myself burning up energy looking for “The One.” Despite this pattern, I feel like there’s some hope in surrendering to the process.
- Working harder to look for love has never resulted in finding it. There have been times where I’ve amped up my level of intensity, downloaded more dating apps, and said yes more. None of this actually resulted in me finding the right person. Perhaps it’s the culture of action that we live in, but it’s interesting that if a way of looking for dating isn’t working, I just do it harder. There’s no sense in this.
- I have so much less control than I think I do. Of course a very small part of finding love is being open to it, but for the most part, it’s just something that happens without me really doing anything. I think I have a ton of control over who it is, how we get together, and when. In reality, love eludes me when I go looking. The universe ultimately has the control over when I meet my love.
- I just get absolutely exhausted expending energy. Working hard seems like it’s the way to find love, but it’s like running on a hamster wheel. I’m on a fast track to nowhere and on top of it, I’m completely wiped out. Dating burns up tons of energy, then add on the fact that I’m running around looking for love like a maniac. No wonder I feel burnt out looking for “The One.”
- I’m constantly asking myself if various people are “The One.” When I’m in the mode of working hard to find a lover, I’m scanning every single room and asking myself if each person I meet is the right one for me. Several times a day, I’m left trying to figure out if the person I’m interacting with is going to be my next partner. It’s completely exhausting and not really a healthy or effective way to live.
- Dating apps feel like black holes. When I’m on a million dating apps and I’m in the mode of working hard, I just don’t find anyone. I can go down the black hole swiping forever and still come up empty-handed. It’s not that dating apps are bad, they’re just not useful when I have the frantic energy that’s looking left and right to grasp at someone.
- I get self-pitying. Looking for love with fervor almost always leaves me alone at the end of the day. Instead of looking at my method of madness, I get self-pitying. I end up thinking that I’m just broken and I’m going to be alone forever. I focus on how much love is eluding me and I blame myself rather than trusting the process unfolding.
- It’s going to happen when it’s supposed to happen anyway. I can try as hard as I want to find love, but at the end of the day, if the timing isn’t right then it’s not going to happen. I can spend days on dating apps and pursuing people I meet in person, but I can’t control the timing of when love will happen in my life. Chasing it is only making me drive myself totally crazy.
- I hate to say it, but love often happens when people least expect it. For a long time, I was someone who hated when people said this phrase. I’d roll my eyes because I thought that I had control over when love happened. In reality, love really does happen when you least expect it. I’m not saying I shouldn’t put in any effort at all, it’s just that love is going to make a guest appearance in my life and surprise the sh*t out of me.
- I’m learning to make a trust fall into the universe as a matchmaker. My matchmaking skills haven’t worked out so far. The people I choose when I’m barreling through life desperate to find love haven’t been the best fit. Instead, I’m learning to trust that the universe is the best matchmaker for me. It knows little secrets and twists of fate that I could never understand. After all, I can breathe a little easier when I put my faith in the universe.
- I’m better off just focusing on being the best version of me I can be. Rather than burning up all that energy trying to make square pegs fit into round holes, I’m learning to shift my focus to self-growth. It’s a great way to use my energy to really be the best version of me possible. Anyway, when I do meet the partner I fall in love with, I’ll be an awesome version of myself that they’re sure to be impressed with.
