Stop Obsessing Over Your A**hole Ex — He Wasn’t Even Worth It When You Were With Him

When the relationship ended, the only thing you should have felt was relief. Instead, as the reality of the breakup sets in, you find yourself caught up in a bizarre sort of unending heartache. He wasn’t worth your time when you were with him, so why are you still hung up on him now that he’s gone? He didn’t deserve your attention then, and he certainly doesn’t deserve it now.

He was always playing around with your head. It shouldn’t surprise you that he’s still in your head since he was always messing with it when you were together. He always seemed to take such delight in making you worry, stress and tear your hair out over him, and those feelings don’t just disappear overnight. But the man who could so effortlessly mess you up inside isn’t around to confuse your thoughts and emotions anymore — and the only way to keep him out is to let that bastard go.

He never valued you for the right reasons. When he told you how sexy you looked in your favorite dress, you felt those first-kiss butterflies all over again, and you always felt the most confident when he was singing your praises. But those compliments only ever felt so good because you had to work so hard to get them, and they were never delivered for the right reasons. He didn’t value you for who you were, but for how you made him feel. The selfish kind of love he could give was always so much less than what you deserved.

You were never sure exactly where you stood with him. In romantic comedies, the “will they or won’t they” factor was only ever satisfying because eventually, it had a conclusion. But when it came to his heart, you were never entirely sure if you were just a fling or something more. Emotionally, he left you without a leg to stand on, so it’s no surprise that you’re still left wondering how he really felt now that he’s gone. But now that he’s out of the picture, it doesn’t even matter because you’re finally free to find someone who doesn’t make you question their love like that.

When it came to paranoia and jealousy, he only exacerbated things. From the way he always seemed to be flirting with other women to the way he never could quite calm your suspicions when you confronted him about it, when your green-eyed monster reared its ugly head, he was practically poking it with a stick. Sometimes, it even seemed like he enjoyed watching you wonder and worry — because he probably did.

He always knew exactly how to get under your skin. When you shared the darkest depths of your fears and worries with him, you thought it would help him understand your perspective on things. But instead of quelling your fears, he only ever seemed to use them as weapons he could whip out when you were at your most vulnerable. Love should be as comfortable as a warm bed on a cold morning, but he treated it like it was a battlefield — and that’s just bullsh*t.

Your self-esteem plummeted in his presence. He should have made you feel like you were a priceless treasure, but instead he left you feeling second-hand and cheap. Every snide little remark he made about your appearance, your emotions and the way you acted was just another dig at your self-esteem until you were left stuck in a trench too deep to climb out of. Obsessing over him now is just giving him more power over your sense of self-worth, and the only person who deserves to have control over that right now is you.

His problems always seemed to become your problems. If you’re left wondering what could have done differently or dwelling on what you did wrong, it’s no surprise. He always had a knack for making all of his douchebag ways seem like they were, in fact, your failures. In the blame game, he always seemed to win and you always seemed to lose. But a relationship takes two to tango, and he’s just as responsible as you ever were — even if he was always happier putting all of his problems onto you.

He made you feel small. A good man would have built you up until you believed you could do anything you set your mind to, but him? He was only ever good at tearing you down. The destructive tendencies that marred your relationship had a nasty way of destroying you as well. It’s easier to dwell on how much you resent him for how small he always made you feel, but the payoff from being bitter will never be quite as satisfying as the feeling of triumph you’ll have as you rebuild what he tried so hard to crush.

Just because he’s still in your system doesn’t mean you need him in your life. He’s not still in your head because he’s “The One” — he’s there because sometimes, it’s hard to get every part of a parasite out. The lingering memories of what he put you through fill fade away over time as long as you don’t let him back in — and you deserve so much better than what he could ever bring to the table.

You’re stronger alone than you’d ever be with him. It’s scary to face the world alone, but not as scary as being stuck under his thumb. You’ve grown strong from all the time you spent dragging around his dead weight. Once you let him go for good, you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to walk away, unburdened by his bullsh*t and finally free.

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