I Used To Be Focused On Finding A Guy — Now I’m Focused On Living An Amazing Life All By My Damn Self  

Whoever said you need a man to be happy is just plain wrong. I’ve finally realized that my ticket to paradise is a one way trip with me, myself and I. I don’t need a guy to complete me — I’m pretty badass all on my own.

Relationships don’t define me. I’m done with revolving my entire self-worth around the person that I’m dating. I’m a damn good girlfriend and partner, but I’m sick of not getting the same in return. I used to be focused on whoever I was with or finding the next guy so that I wouldn’t end up single for too long, but all that did was set me up for one disappointment after another. I’m an independent woman, and I’m ready to see what’s like being truly on my own.

Beggars can’t be choosers, so I’m no longer looking. I was one of those girls who had a checklist for her perfect guy, but I was so busy waiting for all the pieces to fall into place that I sabotaged anything that had the chance of being real before it could even get off the ground. If I’m so picky that I can’t see a good thing when it’s in front of me, then clearly I don’t deserve the best. I’ve decided to stop trying to find Mr. Right and instead focus on living my life in the right now.

There’s no such thing as perfect. No guy is the whole package and I’m not naïve enough to think I am either. Sure, people can be compatible, but more often than not, they’re not exactly what the other needs. I don’t want to waste my time trying to fit into whatever box some guy is trying to construct around me. I’m a free bird, and it’s time to fly, as corny as that sounds.

Love is overrated. I know how cynical that sounds but in my experience, the heartbreak just isn’t worth it — at least not right now. At this point, I don’t need someone to come home to every night. I have friends and family who provide all the support I need to feel complete. If it comes my way eventually, I’ll welcome it with open arms, but I’m certainly not pining for it at the moment.

Adventure is waiting for me and I don’t plan on missing out. I’m at the point where all I want is to go out and explore the world at my feet — to drive with no destination, try things I’ve always wanted to try but was never in a position to do… For the first time, it’s all possible. All those hours I used to spend swiping left and right are now free to take a chance, make a rash decision, and see where it takes me. My 20s are for finding who I am, not for tying myself down to something just for a false sense of security.

All my choices are my own. It’s a slap in the face when adulting hits and all of a sudden you can do whatever you want but have no idea what exactly that is. I’m owning the no reins game, though. Why, when I’ve finally gotten rid of parents telling me what to do, should I then let a guy and his needs dictate all my decisions? No thank you. I’m owning my solitude, appreciating having no strings attached and learning how to catch myself when I fall.

Messing up is part of the plan. Failing sucks, but it’s the only way to grow. I want to try something new and be terrible at it. I want to be so excited for a trip that ends up being disappointing. I want to make new friends that will turn into people I don’t recognize. I want to experience everything that will force me to get stronger, and show me what I need and want from the people in my life and the path I chose for myself. There’s no better way to accomplish that than to do it alone.

I want to live my life before I share it. Part of what’s special about a long-term relationship is that you get to bring who you were as individuals and craft it into who you are as a pair. But what kind of union would that be if you’ve had no chance to actually figure out who that is beforehand? I’m not ready to give all of me to someone else because I don’t actually know who I am at my core. After living my life and finding myself, maybe one day I’ll get there.

You only find what you’re not looking for. I’m a firm believer that it’s only when you stop searching for something that it lands squarely in your lap. Someday I’m sure someone will come along who will be nothing I thought I wanted but everything I realize I need. However, I’m only going to be ready for them if I’ve lived my own life first, so for now, I’m going to write my own story — and it’s going to kick ass.

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