I don’t need much when it comes to relationships, but I do need to know that the guy I’m with legitimately loves me. Hearing those three little words spoken aloud is great and all, but here are some other ways that prove to me that he really does with his actions:
- Take me seriously. If he laughs when I say something serious, I’ll assume he doesn’t really love me. When I go to him with a problem or have something really important to tell him, it means it’s a pretty big deal. I would expect that if a person loves me, they wouldn’t make light of the situation and make me feel like an idiot for caring too much; they would validate my feelings and meet me where I’m at.
- Put my feelings first. I don’t expect him to literally put me and my needs before every single thing he does. I do, however, expect him to put my feelings first. Otherwise, he’s potentially hurting me and that’s not what people do when they love each other.
- Don’t get weird when I cry. I cry a lot and need someone who’ll be there for me unconditionally to help me through my waves of emotion. I’ve been told to “toughen up” my whole life and I really don’t need to hear that from the person who supposedly loves me. If his first instinct is to avert his eyes or get awkward when I start crying, I’ll know that he was never really there for me.
- Actually listen when I’m talking to him. I can tell when he’s just “kinda listening” to me and when he’s really absorbing what I’m saying. When I’m venting to him about something, I don’t necessarily want advice — all I want is his undivided attention. Listening shows he cares about me, and if he can’t keep your focus on me while I’m spewing my pain at him then I doubt that what we have is real.
- Accept my flaws. Some days I love myself and some days I hate every inch of my being. As someone who loves me unconditionally, he should also fully accept my flaws. I already think that I’m less than perfect and if he’s adding to my pile of things I hate about myself, this isn’t true love — it’s just another destructive relationship.
- Put aside time just for me. I don’t want to just be incorporated into his life. I want to feel like he actually wants to spend time with me. Plan a trip, a date night, or a special outing just for the two of us. If I’m really that important to him, he’ll carve out time in his schedule to show me love.
- Trust me with his darkest secrets. I won’t believe that he loves me until he can reveal to me his honest truth. If he can’t do that, then I’ll assume that he doesn’t trust me enough yet and is therefore not in love with me. I think honest communication is the most important part of any relationship. I don’t care if his secrets are shameful or dark, I just want to know that he trusts me enough to reveal them. That to me is like the ultimate test of love.
- Make sure I’m safe. I can’t feel totally secure in a relationship unless he takes action to make sure I’m safe. I know it’s not exactly “strong, powerful female” kinda talk, but I can’t help but need that from him. Guiding me up the stairs, letting me get on the bus first, wrapping his arm around me when it’s cold… I need these things to know that he truly cares for me.
- Show me off. If it’s been three months and he still hasn’t introduced me to his family and friends, I’m going to assume that he doesn’t actually want to be with me. If he loves me, someone, you should be proud to be with me. He should want to shout it from the rooftops! If I don’t feel that enthusiasm, I don’t think we belong together.
- Kiss me for no reason. Spontaneous kisses leave me feeling so loved and wanted and it really shows me his passion for our relationship. He’s not doing it because he wants sex, feels bad about something he did, or because he’s leaving the house. When he kisses me out of nowhere just because he couldn’t help himself, I’ll know for sure that he loves me.
- Tell me he does. This one is huge. I’ll never know that he truly loves until those three words pass his lips. He could make every gesture in the book, but it won’t be until he says it out loud that it will really resonate with me. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you love someone. I just hope that he thinks I’m worth risking his pride for.
