I’ve done a good bit of soul-searching to figure out what I want in a relationship, and I expect the same from any man I date. I don’t ask for a lot, but if you want to be with me, you should have these qualities that prove you won’t be going back and forth on what you want out of our relationship:
You’ll have a strong sense of self. A strong sense of self is a key indicator that you’re healthy and ready to date me. You know who you are, so you won’t go looking for me to define you. You’ve also taken the time to be introspective, so you bring self-esteem to the table and can discern what you do and don’t want.
You’ll communicate clearly and consistently. If you like me, you’ll let me know. If you have a concern or a question, I won’t have to play a guessing game. You know what you want, so I can expect your communication with me to leave no room for interpretation.
You’ll have hobbies and a support network. It’s important we spend time together, but you need to have your own hobbies and friends outside of our relationship. For us to work out, our relationship needs room to breathe. I expect you to have activities you like and friends to talk to so that I’m not your only source of support.
You won’t be looking to rebound. If you just got out of a relationship, it won’t work. I’m not a rebound. I’m willing to show up 100 percent to date you, and I expect the same in return. You can’t do that if you’re still wrapped up in thinking about your ex. I’m only available for someone who’s taken his time to recover and is now going into dating with a clear head.
You’ll be dealing with your stuff. You’re a work-in-progress — I get it. We’re both imperfect human beings. I have plenty stuff I’m still working through, too. I’m dealing with it through whatever means necessary and I expect the same from you. Your baggage is welcome, but you’d better be sorting through it.
You’ll be unwilling to compromise on certain things. If you have a strong sense of self, there are going to be deal breakers for you. This is a good sign to me; it means you’re unwilling to compromise because you know what’s best for you. It’s best for me understand what those things are early on.
You’ll have boundaries. Knowing what you want means you know when it’s best for you to say “yes” and best for you to say “no.” I’ll value you more if you’re able to be honest with me and keep your personal boundaries. This will also show me you’re able to draw the line in other aspects of your life.
You’ll be emotionally available. Emotional availability is a commitment to opening up when the person is right. It’s about knowing what feelings are happening for you in the relationship and sharing them with me. If you’re incapable of doing this because of circumstances, timing, or whatever else, it won’t work out.
You won’t be looking to fill a void. If codependency is what you’re looking for, I’m not your gal. It’s human to crave love, but on the whole, you should feel like a complete person before we’re together. I’m not medicine for your void — I’m an addition to your already wonderful life.
You’ll appreciate me if we’re a match. If you know what you want because you have a sense of self and emotional availability, you’re going recognize a good pairing when you see one. I need to be able to count on you to appreciate me because you understand what a catch I am and how great we’ll be together. I know what I have when I have a great guy by my side, and if you have a clear vision of what you want, you’ll realize how lucky we are to be together, too.
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