It’s been practically forever since the last time you were intimate with another person and you’re so frustrated you could scream. It’s gotten to the point where you don’t even care about finding Mr. Right — you just need Mr. Right Now to help you scratch this unbearable itch. If your frustration is at its peak, you’ll probably relate to the following.
- You start fantasizing about guys you’re definitely not usually attracted to. You find yourself salivating over random guys you’re not generally attracted to — your mailman, that guy in accounting, your BFF’s younger brother… You feel totally awkward about it, even though it’s all just in your head.
- You get seriously turned on at the mere sight of a hot guy. You normally wouldn’t undress a complete stranger in your mind in public, but suddenly, you’ve turned into a low-key creep and feel like you need a cold shower after seeing someone even moderately attractive.
- You debate logging on to Tinder to kill the urges. You start looking at Tinder guys a little differently and wonder if maybe you need to lower your dating standards at least temporarily. Normally you’re looking for a real and genuine connection, but now you’ll take a simply casual connection instead. Even though you’ll likely never go through with anything, it adds a little more excitement to your swiping.
- You’ve started living vicariously through online intimacy. And your browser’s search history proves it. You’ve also ventured into genres you would never have ever considered before — your lady parts want what they want.
- You start marathoning Fifty Shades Of Grey instead of The Notebook. Your go-to movie used to be a cute rom-com with the hopeful promise of real love at the end of it, but lately you’re more in favor of the darker sides of love… so long as it comes with regular and wild peaking.
- You have bizarre intimate dreams. Don’t even try to deny you’re having them, because you totally are. When your unconscious thoughts are taking you on wild escapades, it might be time to seriously consider putting an end to the drought during your waking hours.
- You get hangry but for love-making. The mere thought of love-making and the fact you’re not having it seriously annoys you. Your body is craving something that no amount of nutrition can ever satisfy. You need it, like ASAP.
- You’ve started using suggestive emojis on the regular. The eggplant and banana emoji are in your recent 10 and you always find odd ways to slip them into conversation for basically no reason at all, other than the fact that you’re undeniably frustrated and in need of some satisfaction down below.
- You can’t remember the last time you shaved your legs. The hair on your legs tells a story — the story of how long it’s been since you’ve been intimate with someone — and it’s grown a few inches since the last time a guy was in your bed.
- You’re generally irritable for no reason. Being frustrated isn’t a bad thing, but it can start to take on a life of its own if it goes too far. Without a release, things get a little bit nuts. Sometimes you don’t even realize it at all and blame it on stress or other life frustrations that seem to be amplified, but the truth is, you’re just frustrated and need to feel someone else’s body under or above yours ASAP.
