Some of the following products available for your vagina are actually pretty useful while others are just ridiculous and may even be dangerous. Before you try any of them, though, you should always check with a doctor first to understand the repercussions.
Glitter Bombs I’ll never understand the need to make everything rainbow-colored, but it’s been a huge craze in recent months, and now glitter bombing your lady parts is a thing. These gelatin capsules are filled with candy-flavored glitter and are to be inserted into the vagina where they dissolve, releasing the unicorn throw-up with the natural lubricants of your vagina. While it’s okay to have rainbow colored cakes (although all that food dye can’t be great for you), leave your poor nether region alone. It goes through enough for you. Seriously though, gynecologists warn that they could cause terrible STIs or “vaginal sunburn.” And besides, glitter is a bitch to clean up.
Cameltoe Cushions Cameltoe is a problem every woman has faced at one time or another. And while this seems like a good solution, doctors warn that putting something sticky to such a sensitive area can cause a reaction, trauma, cuts or tears, yeast, and thrush. Ladies, just embrace your cameltoe or try wearing longer shirts and more flattering pants.
Vaginal deodorant and cooling underwear If you haven’t already heard, your vagina sweats just like the rest of your body. This can sometimes result in uncomfortable chaffing and unpleasant smells. While you should be aware that some smells can indicate a health issue if you’ve just run a 5k in the sun, it’s probably nothing to worry about and deodorant and/or cooling underwear can help you stay dry down there. You have to use products specifically designed for your vagina, however, and you should only use it on the outside area unless otherwise specified. Even then, check with your doctor before you do anything just in case.
Tightening Creams This product boasts that it can tighten your vagina maybe after you’ve given birth or whatever reason you have to want the vagina of a virgin, but doctors advise against anything that isn’t medical treatment. It could lead to infections, cause bacteria, etc. Plus, there’s no evidence it works, and there are safer ways to do that through; there are several exercises for example. But honestly, how tight or loose you are is just another stupid thing that makes women self-conscious about their bodies.
Bleaches and Dyes Can we stop with the chemicals on our lady bits, please? Trust me, your vagina is perfect the way it is and a good partner will agree wholeheartedly. You have a ton of delicate tissue and nerves in and out of your vajayjay that can be burned or damaged, which can reduce sexual function. Spend your money on your favorite dessert instead.
Vajazzale and Vatoos. Why not glue sparkly rocks on your crotch? What could possibly go wrong? Vajazzling, a term that comes from bedazzling, refers to attaching gems (real or fake, depending on how much money you have) to your freshly waxed cooch in pretty designs, which if you ask me, seems like a painstaking way to waste your money. Again, that sensitive area shouldn’t be subjected to glue of any kind. You never know how you’ll react to it. Besides, these gems could end up in some strange areas when they fall off. Vatooing, or airbrushing designs around or above your crotch, seems a bit safer but there’s always the possibility of it rubbing off from sex or clothing. No thanks.
Vagina mints Worried that your guy doesn’t like how you taste down there? Well, just pop a mint in—and I don’t mean for your breath. These mints, labeled as “novelty products” in case something goes wrong, are meant to dissolve in about an hour and is used to safely flavor her through “naturally sweetened flavoring” (whatever that is) without using artificial dyes. However, the primary ingredient is sugar, which can mess up your pH levels and lead to yeast conditions. If your partner doesn’t like the taste of your vag but expects you to beg for his semen, dump him and find a guy with good taste (pun intended).
Vagina Visors While a bit gimmicky, this product can be useful for hair removal, fake tanning, and trying on swimwear and underwear. These are disposable and can help avoid any mistakes that can hurt your super sensitive inner vulva.
Anti-Chafing Gel As we’ve established that your honey pot also has sweat glands, the extra moisture down there can create painful and uncomfortable chafing as well as chub rub between your thighs if you’re not one of the blessed few with a thigh gap. This product eliminates any threat of that so you can wear those sexy short shorts you bought last week on sale without worrying.
Bush oil Boasting the use of natural oils and ingredients, this product is meant to condition your pubic hair, prevent ingrown hairs, kill any germs or bacteria, and tighten the skin down there. It’s expensive at about $35.00 per (tiny) bottle. It also claims to add shine and volume, relieve irritated skin, and reduce eczema and psoriasis with omega-6 fatty acid, which is also an anti-inflammatory. It’s been rebranded as a “Liquid Bush Balm” and has been advertised as for people that don’t want to shave down there but want to still feel good about it. There aren’t many reviews or anything, but it may be worth a try if it’s something that you’re into.
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