11 Signs He Learned Everything He Knows About Sex From Watching Porn

Porn isn’t real—that should be obvious by now. Porn isn’t real—that should be obvious by now. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of guys missed the memo that sex with a real person is nothing like they see on their computer screens. Watch out for these signs that everything he knows about sex came from the likes of The DaVinci Load and Dawson’s Crack.

He doesn’t see the point of foreplayWhen every sex scene he’s ever seen goes from delivering a pizza to being upside down and naked in 20 seconds, he assumes you’re permanently horny and ready to go. Without making sure you’re ready, sex is awkward at best and painful at worst, so skipping the foreplay is bad for everyone involved.

Body hair is totally disgusting to him. It’s no one’s choice but your own whether you keep it wild and bushy, whether you trim around the edges, or whether you shave it all off. But since porn stars are completely hairless below their eyebrows, we’ve normalized the idea that everyone should basically be bald. However you choose to maintain yourself, the idea that you’re “gross” and “unhygienic” if you don’t shave everything off is so wrong but depressingly common.

He always expects a blowjob. He won’t go down on you but he tries to push you down on him every time, no matter how hairy and sweaty he is. Blowjobs should be something intimate and special, but in porn, they’re shown as a way for a guy to assert his authority and get exactly what he wants.

He says that condoms “ruin the feeling.” If you’ve talked about contraception options and decided together that you’re not going to use condoms, that’s great—as long as you make sure you’re protecting yourself against STDs in another way. However, when guys try to persuade you that barebacking feels “better,” shut it down immediately. Just because he saw it online doesn’t mean that you’re obliged to risk your health for him.

The idea of lube is completely new to him. In the magical world of porn where everyone is turned on 24/7, maybe lube doesn’t need to exist. In the real world, however, lube is your new best friend. It’s not just for anal sex, either–even where natural lubricant is involved, an extra squirt can make everything much more enjoyable for you. Don’t let him convince you otherwise.

He doesn’t ask before he gets rough. Admittedly, Fifty Shades of Gray is also to blame for guys assuming that everyone’s into BDSM, but one of the worst things guys learn from porn is that everyone likes it rough and safewords are an afterthought. This isn’t just disrespectful, it’s dangerous.

He thinks you’ll literally bend over backward. Say it with me: “Porn is filmed with actors.” These people make a living from being filmed, and they have to make sure that all the action is caught on camera. If I spent my entire time in the gym to guarantee the best angles for filming, I’d be able to look back at the camera with my legs in the air and keep my balance. The crazy positions porn stars make aren’t comfortable (or safe, half the time) and it’s 100% not worth a trip to the emergency room trying to copy their gymnastics.

He won’t stay in any position for long. If you manage to persuade him that the one-act pounding isn’t going to work for you, he starts to change your position every 20 seconds. Short porn films (the free ones) are full of jump-cuts and editing which makes it look like the way to an orgasm is to try at least 10 positions as quickly as possible, even though anyone who’s had sex knows it takes time to find the best positions for both of you.

He really thinks that penetration guarantees you’ll have an orgasm. This is probably the biggest sign he doesn’t know what he’s doing IRL. There’s so much more to sex than him repeatedly sticking his penis inside you, but the screaming orgasms that porn stars have in every film have made him believe that his magical penis is enough to make you come every time. Pro tip: if he’s not willing to listen to you and use his other resources, he’s not worth it.

As soon as he comes, he’s done. The other guarantee in a porno is that the guy always comes, no matter what. No one else’s experience matters when he’s satisfied, and it’s so obvious when guys think that’s how sex works because they usually fall asleep right after. I’m not saying that we can’t take responsibility for ourselves when we need to, but sex is a team sport and we deserve to come as much as the guys.

He’s never heard of aftercare. In the land of porn, as soon as sex is over, that’s it. There’s no pillow-talk, no cuddling, and no aftercare. In the real world, when he rolls over and falls asleep, it makes everything feel super awkward. Even if you’re in a casual relationship, being intimate with your partner in other ways can make sex so much better. There’s so much more to sex than what you see in porn, and any guy who doesn’t get that just isn’t worth your time.

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