Making love with my boyfriend is generally great, but there are some things that he just doesn’t “get”—and he’s not the first guy to not understand what I truly need to be satisfied in bed. Here are 12 things that I desperately wish he would do to me when we’re at it that he rarely does.
- Get a little rough. I know I’m not the only girl out there who likes it when her guy takes control in the bedroom. There’s something so thrilling about being dominated and I wish he would do it more often so I don’t have to ask him for it.
- Spend more time on the pre-show. I don’t think guys realize how long it actually takes to warm a woman up so she’s actually ready for the main event. Pre-love-making activity doesn’t mean kissing me a couple of times and then going straight for the nether-regions. It means a lot of touching, rubbing, compliments, comments and paying attention to the erogenous zones like the neck, ears, and so on. A good 20-30 minutes of this will get me wanting it like nothing else will.
- Start off gentle. Guys seem to assume that the harder and faster they go, the better. Not true! I actually get way more turned on when the touching/kissing is gentle at first because then it’s like a slow build and I end up actually “craving” a harder/faster touch instead of being forced to adjust to it.
- Ask if we can try something different. For some reason, I feel awkward asking to try something new…maybe it’s because of the shame women generally feel surrounding having intimacy in the first place, so I actually really appreciate it when a guy suggests we try something different, especially when he asks about it well in advance and not literally a few seconds before trying it.
- Go slow. I dated a guy once who would literally pound it like a jackhammer and it was the worst. In my experience, I’m more likely to experience ecstasy if the process is incredibly slow, like a turtle’s pace. I get it that guys can get excited about the whole ordeal, but when I think of my greatest peaks, they were always because he was slow and steady.
- Take breaks when using his mouth. I actually like it when a guy goes down on me sporadically as opposed to a prolonged session that seems to be going on forever. It actually makes for a much more powerful ending when he goes back and forth between the pre-show and actual stimulation. It really warms me up if you know what I’m sayin’.
- Make sure he washes his hands before he touches me down there. I’m not a clean freak or anything, but the only way I can 100% for sure relax is if he’s washed his hands before he touches me. Let’s add brushing teeth and flossing too. It’s the little details that eventually all add up to an amazing peak for me and the thought that he might be touching my private areas with the same hand that touched a subway pole will totally pull me out of the moment.
- Say something. Women get turned on by mental stimulation and one of the best ways to get me ready to go for love-making is to whisper some naughty phrases into my ear or even honestly something like how hot I am or how much I turn him on. Not only does it boost my confidence in the bedroom but it directly translates to me being turned on even more.
- Ask before doing anything… unusual. We’ve all had an experience where a guy tries to shove it in… the wrong hole, shall we say. If he wants to try something different with me then he needs to tell me, like, a day in advance, at least 24 hours, so I can prepare both physically and mentally (if I’m even up for it in the first place).
- Clean his sheets. Not only should HE be clean, but he should also have a clean bed for us to play in. I don’t want to see stains from late-night take out or a used prophylactic randomly at the foot of the bed. That’s just nasty and dirty in a bad way.
- Don’t go into his own world. Sometimes when I’m sleeping with a guy, I feel like he’s checked out into whatever latest fantasy is in his head. He’s super focused on his own thoughts versus looking at what’s right in front of him—me. I know it can take some focus to either make sure he doesn’t come too soon or to actually come, but I really don’t like getting ignored especially when it’s by the guy I’m sleeping with.
- Be honest about whether or not he’s looking for a relationship. Probably the most important thing I wished a guy would do during our romp is to be real about what he’s looking for. If it’s a casual fling, treat me like a friend, if it’s something more serious, he should make it clear to me so we both know what we’re in for.
