Women are usually pretty nice to each other by default, so it can be tricky to tell when she’s just being friendly or is actually into you. This can make dating for lesbian and bisexual women all the more confusing. So, if you’re a woman who loves women, how do you recognize when another woman is attracted to you? Here are 13 female to female attraction signs.
She compliments you more than your friends do. Women regularly compliment each other on looks, outfits, accomplishments, etc., which is why it’s hard to tell the difference between flirting and girl talk. So, pay attention to just how much she compliments you. If it’s a lot more than your friends and other women do, then she might have a crush. The compliments are more focused on you and your personality and less about how good your makeup is or where you got your outfit. That being said, she’ll compliment those things too.
She lets you know she likes girls. Of course, lots of Sapphic women are out and proud. Just like straight people don’t have crushes on everybody of the opposite sex, Sapphic women don’t have crushes on every single woman they meet. But, if she drops that she’s into women at a seemingly random moment, casually mentions her ex is a woman or suggests she’s single and ready to mingle, it could be a hint. She’s trying to determine if there’s a chance something could happen between you without putting you in an awkward position or forcing you to come out if you’re not ready.
She can’t take her eyes off you. This is one of the biggest signs of female to female attraction (and attraction between two people in general, regardless of gender). Women usually compliment each other and move on with their day. So, if you regularly catch her looking at you, then it’s likely more than her just thinking you’re outfit looks great (but you probably do look great too!)
She gets flustered around you. Who can keep themselves composed around their crush? If she seems nervous, giggly, or blushes around you but no one else, then she could be pretty into you.
She makes an excuse to touch you. Again, women are normally somewhat affectionate with each other, which makes working out who’s flirting and who’s just an affectionate person hard. Pay attention to see if she touches you more than she needs to. Linking arms to walk through crowded areas? Totally normal. Sitting close to you when there’s lots of space on the bench or brushing up against you could be a sign of something more.
She asks you lots of questions. She wants to get to know you, so she’ll ask more questions about you than a new friend might. This could mean asking deeper questions than being asked about work; she wants to know your dreams, ambitions, your favorite things. It seems like she can’t possibly know enough about you because she always wants to know more. However, instead of seeming intrusive or rude, it just seems intense in a good way.
And she remembers your answers. She’s not just making casual conversation to be polite. It’s one thing to ask questions, but it’s sweet when someone remembers things about you. If she follows up on things she’s asked you in the past, it could be because she really cares. One of the biggest signs of female to female attraction is when she recalls things you say weeks or months down the line to surprise you, like bringing you bagels from Zabar’s because she remembered you saying a few months back how much you loved them when you used to live uptown.
More female to female attraction signs
She might ask you her opinion on her looks. Women normally ask each other what they think of a new outfit, hairstyle, etc. So, this is another area where it can be hard to differentiate girl talk from signs of female to female attraction. For example, she might ask you if she looks okay. The key is paying attention to who she asks; if she asks multiple people, then maybe she’s feeling unsure of herself. If she only asks you, it might be because she wants your approval.
She’s super keen to find common ground. Physical attraction isn’t always enough. If she’s looking for something serious, she’s going to want to find common ground with you to bond over. Maybe you like the same music or TV shows. If you tell her who your favorite band is, she’ll probably go and listen to them and let you know what she thinks later.
She’s overly engaged in what you say. She pays close attention to what you have to say. You might notice her leaning forward as she’s so engrossed in the conversation or looking at you intently. You might not even be saying anything important but she’s all ears and can’t get enough. This is yet another of the major signs of attraction, whether you’re a female or a male (or neither).
She always wants to see you again. If you met through mutual friends, she’s going to make sure the next time you see each other isn’t the next time you both happen to be hanging out with those people. She’ll try to make plans with you one-on-one rather than hang out as a group.
She keeps in touch. You will hear from her again. She’ll message you to see how you’re doing often, or she’ll like all your new Instagram posts. If she likes you and wants to be in your life, she’ll make a big effort. Not only that, but one of the biggest female to female attraction signs is when her “touch” is physical too. She’ll make any excuse she can to have her hands on you, though never in a disrespectful or inappropriate way.
Her friends are asking suspicious questions. Her friends are going to act like wing women. Her friends might compliment her when she’s not around to see how you react. They might also discreetly probe about your sexuality or relationship status to gauge your interest. If she wants something serious, her friends will also try to suss you out to see if you’re a good match. As long as you’re nice, there’s nothing to worry about.
Hopefully, these signs will help you recognize female to female attraction when it happens to you (whether on the receiving end or otherwise).