Climaxing isn’t always necessary for you to have amazing sex, but it sure is the cherry on top. If you can’t seem to reach orgasm during sex despite getting close time and time again, here’s what could be happening. After all, the sooner you know, the sooner you’re likely to get there.
He’s only touching your vagina. If your partner still doesn’t know that you need clitoral stimulation to get off, has he been living under a rock somewhere? Geez, seriously. Most women can’t orgasm from vaginal penetration alone so he needs to spread his wings a bit more and touch other parts of you that boost your sexual pleasure.
You’re drowning in stress. Life’s been pretty stressful lately and maybe you find it hard to switch off during sex because your mind wanders to all the work you still have to do the next day. Chill. You can’t have an orgasm if you’re not nice and relaxed, so try to have a hot bath or chill out with a glass of wine before having sex to get you in the right mood, and leave stress at the bedroom door.
You’re too busy watching your thighs in the mirror. Nothing destroys an orgasm like feeling self-conscious or worrying about your body during sex. Instead of enjoying every sensation and touch, you’re worrying that the cellulite on your thighs looks bad. Ugh. You have to let it go and surrender to how great sex feels, otherwise, you’re just blocking your own orgasm.
He’s always in a hurry. If he’s always rushing through sex, it doesn’t give you a chance to build up the pleasure. Remember, the best orgasms are those that you reach slowly and keep at bay for as long as possible. If you don’t have enough time to take it slow, maybe don’t bother.
He continually asks you if you’re going to come. The sex is feeling amazing and then your partner asks, “Are you coming soon?” Talk about putting on the pressure! If you feel stressed about when you should be reaching climax or you’re trying to synchronize your climax with his, you’re ruining it. Can he just not talk, for the love of God?
You’re on certain medications. Some medications can mess with your hormones and libido, like antidepressants and your birth control, just to name a few. If you find it hard to reach orgasm every single time you have sex and you’re on meds, it’s time to chat with your doctor.
You’re not masturbating enough. You might think that not masturbating is good because then you’ll have all this pent-up pleasure to release during sex with a partner, but that can backfire. If you don’t regularly take time for solo play, you don’t know what works for you. You need to know your sexual hotspots and what triggers orgasms before you can expect to have one during sex.
Your oxytocin levels are too low. Oxytocin is a happy hormone that makes you feel good and can make you and your partner bond, but it’s also important for hot sex. Research has found that oxytocin gets released during sex, not just when you climax but when you’re on your way to reaching orgasm. Without it, you might find it hard to experience the Big O. Boost your feel-good feelings before sex with a bit of cuddling and kissing to get you feeling warm and fuzzy.
You forgot to pee. Holding it in until the deed is done is a bad idea. It’s really difficult to let go and enjoy an earth-shattering orgasm if you’re worried your bladder’s going to empty itself during sex. Yikes. Next time, go to the bathroom before you do the deed.
You’ve had a C-section. If you’ve recently had a cesarean birth, you might experience anorgasmia, a regular difficulty with reaching orgasm. It’s caused by a lack of hormones that get released during vaginal delivery, which can get in the way of your sexual function. The good news is that this usually heals on its own, but if not your doctor can prescribe a hormone treatment to help you get back on the horse ASAP.
You’re depressed or suffering from low moods. If you’re feeling depressed lately, this could definitely kill your mojo. That’s because depression changes the balance of hormones in your body, which can affect your ability to orgasm.
You’re switching positions too quickly. It’s fun to change positions during sex, especially if you want to try one that’ll give you greater clitoral stimulation, but if you’re changing things up too quickly, this can make you lose momentum and set your orgasm back. Take it easy and don’t change positions during crucial times when you can feel your sexual pleasure building.
You don’t feel good with your partner. If you don’t feel you can be completely comfortable with your partner during sex, this can seriously mess with your sexual pleasure. Sex isn’t just a physical thing—your mind has to be on the same page for sexual satisfaction to happen. If you’re not feeling relaxed and happy, orgasms will remain way out of reach.
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