Things You Could Do If You Were A Man For A Day

While we like to think that all genders are equal, there are certain things we just can’t do as women – that is, unless we want to be looked at like we’re utterly nuts. And while most of the time, being a woman is great and I wouldn’t change it for the world, sometimes it’d be nice to just let loose and live like guys do. If you’re anything like me, here are 15 things you’d probably do if you could be a guy for just one day.

  1. Grow it out. Forget the pain of waxing and tweezing and the hassle of shaving – your much feared five o’ clock shadow would be perfectly acceptable today. You can even throw on a pair of shorts and a tank top without the panic that ensues if you forget to pick up the razor for a couple days.
  2. Play with it. Sure, guys’ equipment can be a lot of fun to play with anyway, but you sure are curious what it feels like from the other side. Stroke it, squeeze it, and squish those balls!
  3. Eat whatever you want. Because your metabolism will undoubtedly be faster, your clothes won’t be as fitted, and because men get much more leeway on their physiques. Hello! Have you heard of this whole “dad bod” trend?
  4. Pee anywhere. When you gotta go, you gotta go, but as a guy you can go just for the hell of it… anywhere (and everywhere) you want. Even though the bathroom is vacant and only two feet away, there’s something more alluring about peeing in the front yard, and you’re just dying to know what that is.
  5. Walk around topless. Legally, at least, and without getting groped. Imagine the best thirty seconds of your day (you know, when you get to take off your bra) and realize that as a man, you could feel that free all of the time.
  6. Ditch your purse. No need lugging around that suitcase you call a purse, because, pockets! Everything you need for the day can fit into those two little spots on the side of your pants, because as a guy, you really don’t need much.
  7. Own the remote. Why bother getting up off the couch when there is so much TV to be watched? Hell, you can even watch the news without crying.
  8. Scratch yourself. Ladies can get an itch down there too, but you’ll never find one scratching it in public. You can finally throw caution to the wind and walk around with your hands down your pants.
  9. Solve the great debate. Which hurts more, child birth or being kicked in the balls? After this day, only you could really know for sure. Hint: It’s definitely childbirth.
  10. Sex with no repercussions. Sleep with as many people as you want without being labeled promiscuous! But you’ll definitely miss those multiple orgasms.
  11. Make more money. An instantaneous 77 cents on the dollar raise, then you can learn how to make it rain at the strip club.
  12. Get into a fight. Because now you have man strength and need to show it off. What else are you supposed to do with all that extra testosterone?
  13. Freeball. Forget boxers or briefs, you know the real joy is in letting it all hang out.
  14. Bare your face. Leave the bronzer and the mascara at home, and for the first time ever let everyone see your natural beauty.
  15. Selective hearing. Ignore any and all conversations that do not interest you (i.e. ones about sex) and blame it on your hearing
Rachael is an award winning stand-up comedienne, freelance writer, and BravoTV superfan. Her Real Housewives tagline is “The only thing bigger than my boobs are my personalities.” In her spare time, she keeps busy catering to the needs of a very spoiled Siberian Husky, (Paris Hilton), cleaning the skeletons out of her closet (to make room for more shoes), and swiping left to everyone on Tinder. Follow her on twitter @therealplandd.