Ladies, you know you’ve been there before – you dated an absolute loser. Looking back at all of the veiled insults you’ve suffered through and all of the Dave Matthews Band you’ve been forced to listen to, you probably feel like an idiot. Why did you waste your time on someone who constantly left you in the cold? Was it really his Mom who called him three times during the night, every night? Why did your love blinders put you in this position?
Thankfully, there’s a lot of good that comes from dating an loser. In fact, I think everyone should date an loser once (but just once) in their life. Before you think I’m trying to sabotage your love life, hear me out.
They make you stronger, in a Kelly Clarkson kinda way. You sat through so many crappy movies he wanted to see, even though he always picked. You also didn’t break up with him when he mouthed off some racist crap about the couple who sat next to you in the theater. After being the emotional doormat with this relationship, you’re bound to go into the next one knowing exactly where you draw the line. You’re more likely to speak up when you’re being disrespected, or even better, notice the red flags much earlier in the relationship and take appropriate action.
You’ll appreciate the nice guys that much more. I’m not talking about the guy who’s nice because he wants to sleep with you at the end of the night. I mean the real nice guy, the one who doesn’t creep you out with his overly-chivalrous actions. The guy who’ll walk you to your car after a show, but won’t talk your ear off about female poets on the way there to prove to you how deep he is. The best kind of nice guy has your back, and treats you like a good friend would… only he also has sex with you. Bonus!
You’ll have great stories, at least? You have the right to share your loser ex-boyfriend stories for about a year, until friends will be like, “We get it, move on!” From there, you save your terrible memories to later share with the teenage daughter you now have with the nice guy.
Your family will finally see you as a proper adult. Maybe you still haven’t found a full-time job and you call them for help with your rent every month… but at least you’re not dating Bobby anymore, right? This great news will constantly trump all of the other terrible news in your life. Your mom will cry so many happy tears, since perhaps she’ll have non-loser grandkids after all.
You’ll develop a refined taste in men. Okay, so your loser was pretty attractive, and he seemed to be pretty smart, as well. Unfortunately, now you’ve learned that this isn’t enough to make you happy. It doesn’t matter what he looks like if he treats you like garbage. Thankfully, now you’ve realized that you need someone who’ll actually make you a priority, and not an accessory. If you knew that that’s what you were looking for back in the day, you never would have given your loser ex the privilege of a second date.
You’ll gain more self-knowledge than a Buddhist monk. It sounds cliche, but it’s totally true. Loser Ex made you realize that you hate guys that hate weddings, and hate guys who hate wedding-related reality TV programs without even giving them a one-episode shot. This stuff is important to you, and you never knew it until now. The ideal guy will realize that these television shows don’t mean you’re dreaming of your own wedding — you just really, really like how ridiculous they are. You are you, you now know what makes you happy, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Be proud.
Your new boyfriend will feel like a hero. It’s good to make your new guy feel confident. He probably never even expected such praise for holding the door open for you, but it is what it is. Your new boyfriend will feel like the best dude ever as you silently make comparisons in your head, and this kind of respect is a great way to start a healthy relationship. Thank your ex, for being a great Goofus to your Gallant.
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