To be honest, aside from a couple serious partners who blew my mind every time, during casual sex I orgasm about 50 percent of the time — and in the majority of those cases, it’s thanks to a vibrator or clitoral stimulation that I give myself with my hands. For women, it’s not always easy to climax because, let’s be totally honest, our goods are far more complicated than the what dudes have going on between their legs.

But while that may be the case, that doesn’t mean you have to live a life devoid of orgasms during sex. It just means you need to step things up a bit on your end, communicate more, and quit stressing out about it. Here are seven surefire ways to orgasm during sex.

Masturbate. A lot. The more you masturbate, the more you get to know your body. Women who have phenomenal sex lives are the same women who masturbate regularly, because they have an awareness about how their body works, what leaves them feeling “meh,” and what really gets them off. Knowledge is power, people!

Don’t be afraid of toys. It’s 2015 and I’d like to hope that the majority of us own at least one vibrator, but I still think some women feel it might come off as insulting to their partner if they brought a toy into the bedroom. No way! Do you know how much your partner wants you to come and is willing to get some extra help? Let me tell you: It’s a lot. Toys, especially vibrators, provide a stimulation that even the most skilled fingers and tongue can’t, so there’s no shame in using a vibrator on your clitoris while your partner penetrates you.

Figure out if you’re a clitoris or G-spot woman. Research has found that roughly 70 percent of women need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. For them, their clitoris is their sweet spot. As for the other 30 percent, those are the women who are able to orgasm through penetration alone, meaning that their sweet spot is their G-spot. If you masturbate regularly, then you know whether you’re a clitoris or G-spot woman, and that’s the type of information you need to bring to your sex life. You don’t want your partner going to town on your G-spot when you know that he needs to focus on your clitoris if you’re to going to orgasm.

Make Kegel exercises part of your daily routine. I realize that some equate Kegel exercises with something that women only do as they get older, but Kegels are for everyone – even guys! In taking just five to 10 minutes out of your day to do your Kegel exercises (and you can pretty much do them anywhere), you’re working to strengthen your pelvic floor. Strong pelvic floors help to make achieving an orgasm far easier than it would be normally.

Give your partner direction. If you can give yourself an orgasm, then with some communication and direction, your partner should be able to, too. The key is to not be scared to be vocal about what you need and want. Tell them they need to move their fingers or tongue, and explain that you need more or less pressure. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, so you need to vocalize it.

Have extended foreplay. The best part about foreplay, for both you and your partner, is that it’s a delicious appetizer for the main course. It’s a way to tease each other sexually, and work up to the good stuff. Studies have found that it can take up to 20 minutes for a woman to be fully aroused, so basically you want to work in at least 20 minutes of foreplay. It’s hard to orgasm if your arousal isn’t at its peak.

Stop overthinking it. When you’re having sex, your end goal shouldn’t be an orgasm. If you’re so focused on that being the defining moment of your romp, then you’re missing out on so much and not giving yourself a chance to relax enough to get even close to having an orgasm. Enjoy the ride, be present in every moment of it, and don’t overthink it. I know you’ve heard that a million times before, but it’s true. So. True.

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